Believe

Broken
I decided that I could take no more
allow no one any closer
for I could no longer
take the pain.
Torment
heartache
tears
so so many tears
that allowed me no release
from my broken past.
Than you.
You took my hand
you took my lips
you took my entirety
finding a place in my life.
not always wearing a cape
not always rushing into danger
can be that one person
who makes you believe again.
Sept. 11/18
Photo by TK Hammonds on Unsplash
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Latest Victim

There is no way to know
simmering beneath the surface
a silent rage
all consuming
ready to devour
those who come too close.
Whispers swell
scrabbling at the door
nasty comments
brutal fears
looking to escape
to cause havoc….
on the innocent.
Blackness roiling
filling mind
soul
with doubt
that nothing is at it seems.
Stormy sea
symphony of agony
of hatred
within one’s self
as the darkness reaches out….
to claim it’s latest victim.
Aug. 22/18

Good bye My Love

I have fallen

not at your feet

but within myself

and there is no going back.

Now

you are entwined with my past

the hurt

the pain that I feel.

I wish that it had not happened this way

I wish that I could still be yours

yet I know

there is no way

that I can submit to you again.

My way of saying good-bye

it was not right

I should have explained further

I should have explained it at all

there is no way of knowing

what monsters lay in my bed.

Memories that have been hidden

you brought to the forefront

the anguish

the pain

the darkness that enveloped

I curled within myself.

Screaming in my head.

I am sorry my love

I wish it could  be different

we must walk away

while love is still everlasting.

All copy rights reserved.

Jay-lyn Doerksen

July 26/17

Curtain Call

Dejection.

Despair.

Written on my face

as I watch you circle the room

glad handing

compliments reigning down

on all the unsuspecting clowns.

I try to hide the feelings

try to maintain a dignified silence

while inside

my heart breaks.

How can you not notice?

Not realize?

Do you not see the woebegone  look on my face?

I hide myself in the corner

behind a pillared post

tears gathering on my cheeks.

Allowing myself a moment of sadness

before reentering the world stage.

Photo by Nik MacMillan on Unsplash

 

Blighted

Blackness roils across the land

encompassing fields and crops

a blight unlike any before seen

man made and let loose.

Flesh falls from bones

flashes of shadows burst free

death comes to all who are near

without playing favorites

without discerning wealth.

Never would you think so cruel

that the riches already had

are not enough

that they would make you forfeit your lands.

No longer are monies counted

abundant…..

enough…..

a body count

ferocious rage

decimating all

is the new measure of power.

 

 

 

Worthless

Why?
Why do you
why do I
believe that we are not worthy?
Worthy
Of love
of happiness
of kindness by others.
We shun
spurn
destroy
rather than allow others close.
Easier
to not feel
to act the fool
shy behind a confident mask.
Tears
falling drop drop
head turned aside
ignoring the gnawing pain
that resides deep in out hearts.
Trust
reaching out
admitting need
want to be held
struggling to find the words.
Why?
I want to be found worthy.
I want to be found to love.
I want the happiness

that should be mine.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

July 9/18

Nothingness

Tears seep
tracing the curve of my cheek
trailing
salty kisses on my lips
pondering
why I feel this way?
Nothing wrong
no sense of impending doom
imagination
spiraling out of control
when I know
I may have pushed too far?
Overstepping
infamous for I am
reading too much
into too little
building my fairy tales
only to knock them down.
Self destruction.
I am not crazy.
I am not insane
even though I portray myself this way.
Easier to hide
behind a sinister mask
than brimming with bright smiles
allowing the hurt
to become a dull throb
one I cannot placate.
Never crumble
never fall
ideas ingrained in my mind
not worth it
undeserving
voices playing over and over again.
Happiness
ever fleeting
skims through my life
touching lightly
only to bounce off
leaving me bereft
clutching at faded memories
of time we spent.
Hopelessness
sadness
raging pain
loss
fear
the emotions I live with
every day.
Does it get better?
Does it ever end?
This feeling of……
nothingness.
©Jay-lyn Doerkson
July 8/18