Lowering My Expectations

I woke up this morning with my alarm feeling terrific.
I have the dishwasher going and the pans are clean.
Coffee is made and The Beast has been roused and showered.
I have been chatting with friends via text as is my morning routine.
Check in say hello how goes and get ready for the day.
I like to touch base at least once a day if only to say hi so that they know I am thinking of them and wishing them a fabulous day.
Then I made a mistake.
I opened my headlines.
I am not going to go off the way that I have with my friend.
In part because I am so angry I am in tears and the other is I know that I have blogging friends who view things differently and I do not want to offend them.
Suffice it to say that I am tired of religious leaders in my area using faith and god as a basis for bad behaviour.
For doing one thing and crying about it the next.
For this I am taking a total day off from headlines and news stories.
For the sake of my sanity I must do this.
Renos at work are beginning and the crews are starting their work on the other side where we are expanding to.
I have to share my space with the construction crews (parking space for my customers) and yesterday imagine my surprise when I go to take my order out and they have had to park all they way down at the end.
Why?
There were two trucks parked at at angle and against the wall are shopping carts that need to be repaired.
I have seniors who are going to be intimidated by this.
We are promoting curbside as a way to ease reno pains and yet we are making things even more difficult.
I went to ask if we could not ask the crews if they could park on the other side.
Leaving me with the two spaces closest to my entrance?
I mean I thought that this seemed like a reasonable request.
No?
Am I asking for too much?
And was told nope no doing.
I was going to have to get use to it.
And that all other stores do their carry out through their front doors.
Walmart.
Superstore.
Both of which have roomy entryways.
Not me.
So now I am trying to get my orders out to my customers without running into people leaving and entering through the entryway?
Ladies and gentlemen I swear I nearly told both of my co-workers to go fuck themselves.
I am not even sugar coating it.
I stared at the two of them and walked away.
I had nothing further to say to either of them.
As I walked up the stairs I thought about how much I bend over backwards for everyone.
That you ask me to do something and I will do my utmost to get it done.
To the point where I have skipped breaks.
No more.
I know this is so counter productive to who I am.
And I am crying as I write it because I know damn well that I am not going to hold to this.
I am so angry and hurt.
It blows my mind that everyone is so self driven.
I am working so hard to teach T to think about others.
That when he does something to think about how it is going to affect the person coming after him.
We were shopping on Saturday and several times I had to pull him back to keep him from walking in front of someone without saying excuse me.
He nearly got run over by women who stared at us like we had grown three heads for going in the right direction.
T was frustrated and kept telling me he was watching.
As we left there were a few rows of carts to be cleaned and I directed him to put the cart over there.
Small carts in one row.
Large carts in the other.
He tries to push it in with the small and it does not fit.
So he goes to leave it.
Me: T put it in the row with the big ones.
T: Where?
Me: In the middle. Those are the big carts.
T: So why can’t I leave here?
Me: Because those are small carts. When they bring more in they will now have to move the carts so they all fit.
T: Oh. (moves the cart)
Walmart Worker: Thank you for getting it. So many people don’t.
Me: I work at Sobeys so I totally get it.
T was most confused.
Argued with me that it should not matter where he put it.
The guy got paid to collect them.
I was irked.
I have taught him to take his cart to the corral when done unloading the groceries.
I have taught him most of the life lessons I think that he is going to need.
Some things such as doing a tax return can wait until he needs to do one.
I have to realize that people do not think the way that I do.
That my sense of customer service and to the world around me is very very different.
Because of this I must lower my expectations.
I must learn to accept that.
It makes my heart sad but in order to protect myself and my outlook on life to be able to be me I am going to have to expect less from those around me.
Not T though.
Which once I tell him is going to elicit moans and groans.
Because I always expect him to be better.
Better than me most assuredly.
Nice Note to End my Blustery Wind Filled Post:
Last week I was passing the front phone as it rang.
I love answering the phone I am going to be honest with you and I have a point of pride that it never rings more than three times if I am around.
Me: Good Afternoon thank you for calling Steinbach Sobeys this is Jay-lyn how may I help you.
Person: Oh my that is the most pleasant greeting I have heard. You sound so happy and cheerful.
Me: I tend to be or at least I try.
Person: May I speak to manager?
The following day I popped into the manager’s office to ask who I had been speaking with.
I am nosy.
Me: Who was that call that I put through to you yesterday? She told me that I had a very pleasant greeting.
Manager: I know when she said to me that the girl who answered the phone was so cheerful I said to her ‘That was Jay-lyn she is always happy.’
Folks this is the manager who has seen me go from bottom to top.
To have him acknowledge that I am always happy is huge to me.
It means that I have wiped away most of the old surly unhappy Jay.
Happy Jay is so much better as a person a friend a mother a lover a daughter and the list goes on.
Happiness really does cure most of what ails you.
©May 4/21
Picture is my own.

Why Care?

Heart on Sleeve
Tears in Eyes
Rain
Thunder Overhead
Lightening Streaks
Crack
Boom
Just like myself
falling away
falling down
lost in the rabbit hole
afraid
knew that this would happen
pull knees close
head down
see not the pain
the fear
that fills these eyes
go away
like you promised never to do
leave me behind
broken
yet again
for foolishly believing
that we would always be friends.
I am closed.
I am reserved.
There are reasons that it takes me so long
to warm up
open up
to let you deep within
for everyone leaves me
even when they whisper promises
promises that they won’t
promises that forever they will hold my hand
they will always be
there…..
I love wholeheartedly.
I have no middle ground.
When I open up
When I let you in
When I lay bare my soul before you
it is because I believe(d)
those tender words
that you would be different
that you would never leave.
©April 26/21
Picture is my own