Zingers x 2

Daily Laughter courtesy of myself & Tember.

I have worked 7-3:30 Monday-Wednesday this week. I absolutely love this shift. However tomorrow I don’t start until 9 a.m.

Me: OMG I cannot wait. I get to sleep in tomorrow.
Tember: Oh you mean like an hour later?

I laughed. I barked. When I work at 7 my alarm is set for 4:30. When I work at 9…..5:30

Lately I have been teasing Tember about being blonde.
That is right I am horrible teasing him for a cliche……have you met my son?
When I first told him he was blonde…..
‘Baby’ I said ‘there are days you are brilliant and there are days that you are blonde.’
He looks at me confused for a moment.
‘Is that like everyone making fun of redheads?’
‘Yes baby that is what it is.’

Fast forward to today.
When I purchase fruit for Tember I always try to get him to save some for the next day.
I exhort him to not eat it all.
I should know by now that it is a lost cause with watermelon.
Silly mom thinking that he would not eat it all.

I go to the fridge to grab something and sure enough……
watermelon container…..
with like 5 pieces of watermelon…..maybe a little more.
I go and stand in the doorway of his room:
‘Buddy you ate basically all the watermelon and yet
put the container back in the fridge with only a few pieces left
so you could say to me that you had not eaten it all?’
‘Yep.’
‘Buddy that is being blonde.’

He laughed. And just to clarify…. the blonde does not come from my side of the family.

May 27/20
Picture is my own

Parental Secret Society

T comes into the house. He has been with his dad for the last week. Immediately he zones into the empty pizza box on the counter. His head swivels around and he glares at me. I have broken some sacred law that exists when you are a single parent. Thou shalt not have any fun or take out when your child is away from you. Not sure who wrote the law but am certain that it was a child.

I can only buy my favorites when he is not home. Chips. Cheese. Cookies. For if I were to buy when he was home I would never get a taste.

Is your eyebrow raised? Are you doubting me? If you are a parent and skeptical, than I am pretty certain that your child has not yet reached the treat stage. They are like 2 and you can still control them. Wait until your child turns 3. You will never again be able to enjoy your favorite foods without hiding it from them. From your child. From your spouse or significant other. Hell, from your parents. Everyone will devour the snacks that you have bought for yourself.

You mock me right now.

So listen to this story.

It got a little busy at work this morning so I had to jump on till. One of our regulars comes through. She has two younger children who are with her, and a teenage child. As I scan through her items there are a few chocolate bars. I ask if she would like them for herself. Would she like to hide them? As a treat.

And she looks at me and bursts out laughing. She knows what I am talking about. Explains that the bars cannot go into the ‘school snack cupboard’ because she would never even see a morsel. Has to hide the chips too because if she does not, her husband will eat it all.

‘I like chips too,’ she tells me and I agree.

This is the parental secret society. It is not limited to women. Men are also involved in this group. Generally they are buying the donuts, one only and scarfing them down in the car. Licking their fingers clean before they even start the car/truck. No need to get the steering wheel sticky and give away the fact that……a donut was consumed, without your knowledge.

I have a week to eat my treats. And I have learned to toss out the evidence prior to T coming home. You all only have minutes. And I bet sneaking that wrapper into the garbage is going to become a skill you hone all so you can enjoy a single treat.