End of an Era

Today is going to be the 2nd hardest day of T’s life to date. I would say his first hardest was when I moved out of the family home into our apartment. Like that time period, he had to adjust and redefine his reality. This is going to be the same. Today is the day that T’s best friend K is moving. An hour away.

Yesterday T and me, we put on a helluva show for the neighbors and others who were lucky enough to have caught it. At one point the RCMP drove by and all I could think was wonderful, I am going to be arrested for making T go for a walk. Again. This time I did not even make a lap around the park I was so furious. Walking back I steamed. When we got home he refused to come in.

It was awesome. His dad had text to say he was going to take T shopping. I text him back and said come and get him. I cannot deal with this attitude. I went outside and told him his dad was coming to get him. And I ruined his life even more by telling both of his friends that he was grounded. The t.v., the play station, youtube, computer, all gone.

When his dad arrived I explained everything to him and handed the Fire Kindle back saying T is not allowed any electronics. I assumed that he would think that I was over-reacting so was a bit on the defensive.  He did not. And when T came out and was snarky with me, my ex said T’s name and looked at him.

I went back inside, still angry. I was so tired of T’s attitude. All I had wanted was for T and me to go for a quick walk while his friends were not home. This whole show was for a point he had snippily informed me, as he did not want to go for a walk. But your friends were not even home, I pointed out, so there was no one to play with. You did this all for nothing.

I mulled it over. Text back and forth with K’s mom M and finally I decided that because it was K’s last night I would allow T to play with his friends. I still was not giving him back his electronics because he acted like a little snot, but I would not be the cause of irreparable childhood scars for not letting him play with his best friend, on his last night, as our next door neighbor.

They played and all things were grand until T came in and he had tears on his face. Angry that he could not play with his friends, he could not understand why they had gone into one’s house without him. He wanted to go knock on the door again, and while I sympathized with him, I had to caution him that it was inappropriate to go banging on the door again. In under two minutes. Than he heard the boys and went off running. Only to return three minutes later tears leaking down his cheeks.

I held my arms open and he flew over to the couch. I held him, rubbing his back and rocking him, my heart breaking and my own tears falling. I told him that K was only an hour away and that with school starting he would make new friends, people he had never met before. T shook his head and said ‘no mom, I have no other friends. And I know everyone in grade 4.’

I had no argument for him. I held him until he felt better and he sat up. I cajoled him into the shower. The tears had left tracks in the dirt on his face. And he had said it was shower night anyways. We sat on the couch and talked a little bit more. I let him watch Larva and I watched it with him. A show that I cannot fathom nor explain. It is on Netflix.

He was in bed and asleep at 9. I am holding firm on that one. We have been getting back into the swing of a 9 p.m. bedtime so I won’t have to fight next week. This morning when he got up, I text M to see if they were awake. They were. T and K are together for the last little while.

As I was writing this, any residual anger that I felt at T for his behaviour has leaked away. Instead I am ashamed that I was not more compassionate towards him. He is 9. His best friend since he was 1.5 years old is moving today. They have been neighbors for over a year. Don’t get me wrong that does not excuse T’s behaviour, and the repercussions still stand, but compromise might be possible. After I get my house cleaned. And his room purged. And the cat litter boxes cleaned………..

 

 

How does that make you feel?

So, the week after my car died (cancelled 1-more to follow on that thread) I had my son. It was the coldest week of the season thus far. I had no car. Had to rely on my best friend (forever after known as BFF) to drive both myself and my son to and from work and school. My sitter (also a wicked ass friend will be known as Sitter lol) also drove me to work and son to school. The fact we had to rely on others did not go unnoticed by my son.

Finally get car back when son goes back to his father. No problem. I do require a fuse, bolt on inline battery fuse.  Still waiting for him to either a) order it for me or b) drop off to me so I can go in and order. I do not have radio or clock. My wipers also did not work but that was a fuse issue. (Cancelled 2)

Sooooooooooo……..I pick my son up from the sitter’s on Wednesday December 28th. We are now going to spend the next five days together and I am pumped. Driving along talking about our day when my son drops this bombshell on me: “Mom dad totally didn’t want to fix your car. That is why it took so long.”

Wow. Okay my son is 8. He is trying to instigate. Not even going to answer this.

Deep breath. Deep deep breath.

“Okay. So why are you telling me this? Are you trying to start a fight between your dad and me? Cause it just isn’t worth it dude. Not worth my time, not worth my anger, not worth anything I have.”

“But mom does this not make you angry?”

“I have a question for you. So we had to rely on our friends for a week to get to and from school and work.”

“Yeah we did.”

“And I got sick. Had to have BFF take me to the walk in. You had to wait at school to get picked up.”

“Yeah, so why are you not mad?”

“How do you feel about this? How do you feel about the fact that we had to rely on friends to get us around this week? How do you feel that mom ended up getting sick (totally unrelated but related) and had to stay home?”

“I was kinda mad mom. When I have a shop I will always fix your car first.”

“Baby…..one day you will look back at this and you will understand. You will understand why I left your dad, why I could no longer be there.”

“Mom?”

“Yes baby?”

“Dad’s girlfriend is 21.”

And there was nothing more to say.