Countdown……37 Hours to Go

I am like a little kid.
Christmas.
Oh yeah……I cannot wait to wake Tember up and watch him open gifts.
I love seeing him surprised.
It makes me happier to give than to receive.
And I mean that.
My wants and needs are simple:
Child happy.
Ex and I on good terms.
Writing spooling out of me.
Work going well.
Until it comes to that time……holidays.
If you have been with me for awhile you know what holidays mean to me.
If you haven’t well I will explain as best I can.
It took me a long time.
A very long time…..
but I finally came to realize this…..I will be damned if I am going to work my butt off to get paid to stay at home and do more work.
No way.
Uh huh.
My vacation time is just that……vacation from life.
From the day to day normality.
It is time to say….I am going to write and read. I am going to nap in the afternoon. I am going to stay up until 1 a.m. watching t.v. In bed. If I want to stay in bed until noon I can do that.
Why?
Because I have earned it.
I deserve to do what I want to do…..not what is expected.
Tember knows that I am on holidays but he is beginning to want to spend what time he gets with dad with dad. I mentioned what day I was off this week and how he was still going to dad’s and he was all ‘mom I would not even want to stay home with you….It is dad’s week.’
So all guilt gone out the window.
My time off is to rejuvenate.
To spend time on me and the things that I enjoy doing.
Temps are suppose to warm up.
I have several new books downloaded to my Kindle.
I am counting down…..
counting the hours……
until for 10 days I can shut off work/responsible Jay and be Jay doing what she wants to do…..when she wants to do it……because she is on holidays!!!!!!
I apologize for talking about myself in the 3rd person but it works. 🙂
Picture is my own.

Lessons

Hear the complaints
see the disgust
time is passing by
when will life get back
when will normality return?
Why?
So quick everyone is
work
school
sports
art
computer
the list on the fridge
goes on and on
every minute
to the second
of every day is planned
’til exhausted
one drops into bed.
Look around
what do you see?
Look around
what do you hear?
Birds singing
clearly heard
lack of traffic
makes it so.
Streets
quiet
stores
no longer a meeting place.
Wait…..
hear that I do
sweet giggle of child
deep baritone of dad
as together they play
slowed down
spending time
with each other
learning their truth.
We have a chance
a choice
to create a new future
a slower future
where emphasis is
family
friends
life in its beauty
nature
seen now by eyes
appreciated
reclaimed.
Do not forget
or
lost shall be
these lessons learned.
©May 7/20
Picture is my own

Granny’s Guide

Once
when I was younger
picking
shucking
popping peas
I asked granny
‘granny’
I asked
‘how do you love a man?’
Granny
she of quirky hats
looked at me
squinting through swirling smoke
knowing grin on her lips
sage nod.
‘Girly’
for that was her name for me
‘girly it is easy
you make sure he is smart
not smart mouthed 
book smarts.
You make sure he is handsome
not like a movie star
handsome never fades.
You make sure he is kind
not only when you are looking
but when others can see
and you cannot.
You make sure he makes you laugh
for tears will be aplently.
You make sure he loves you
will be there for you
hold your hand 
stand for you
otherwise your home is an empty nest.’
Gathered up her gardening
into the house we went
granny was teaching me
old family recipe
handed down
liquid sauce
gold in these here hills.
My face is weathered
my time grows short
here
my own inquisitor
asking the same as I…..
Granny told me
‘take all these parts 
quilt them together 
with your love
with his love
happiness the thread
sorrow the truth 
but girly’
she looked at me
piercing steel eyes
‘always remember this
it is hard work
not easy
ain’t nothing good 
that comes from easy.’
Wise words to live by
wise words indeed
passed along
granny
to
granddaughter
always.
©April 22/20
Picture via Pinterest

Banal Veracity

Hard to say
hard to see
time has come
to worry
to fret
to wonder
what the hell is going on?
I am lost.
I know that.
I admit that.
My needs are simple.
My needs are easy.
Hold me in your arms
make me feel safe
whispered words
wrapped in your embrace.
These are days…..
days never imagined
black death…..
plague…..
might be comparable
front line
never thought it
hand out
supplication
our new reality.
I do what I have to do.
I keep you safe.
I keep myself safe.
I can only do what is…..
expectations must be modified
within reason
within trust
within my ability to give.
My words go out
my words…..
try to offer sympathy
I cannot though
we are too far gone
there is no returning from this.
Bow
plead
deaf ears have turned
no one is hearing
no one is caring
we shall die
while they eat pie
yet
our fault it will be
so they shall see
I am sorry
reality is blurred
there is no saving you
there is no saving me
there is no saving…..
bland truth
blooded dreams
we can go no further.
©March 27/20
Picture is my own.

The Really You!

These questions have been posed by Rory from A Guy Called Bloke & K9 Doodlepip   

and I thought would be fun to answer. All about Time.

If you had more time per day how would you best use it? Currently a day is 24 hours long, but if the day was 36 hours long so 12 hours longer – how would you occupy yourself?

Given an extra 12 hours a day all I would do is procrastinate even longer about projects I should be doing. In the end would be sitting on couch reading emails and cuddling cats. And I do already so an extra 12 hours would be needless.

Everyone says they don’t have enough time every day, each day everyway – so what is enough time per day – how much time would you need in your day to get everything done?

Again I would just end up procrastinating and with my luck an average work day would go from 8 hours norm to like 10 or so hours as norm. So no extra time please.

Arguments for and against the theory of time are never ending … Does time exist? Does time really move fast or slow? It doesn’t matter whether it exists or what speed it travels at – l think what matters is how we best use it in the first place … how we prioritise our use of time itself – so after all that – to the question …

Do you think that you prioritise your daily active time well and if not could you squeeze any further time out to your advantage? If you do – since you started prioritising your use of time – do you find your day easier?

I do not prioritize my time. I do get up at 5:30 a.m. so as to get ready for work, write and read blog posts. Throughout the day I also check my emails trying to stay on top of all the blogs I follow. I work. I fit everything in where I can as I can. I no longer worry about time or the lack thereof. It is going to move on regardless of me and my wants/needs so I just go with the flow.

If you would like to participate in The Really You! please unsure that you ping back to the original post.

Forgettable

You told me I was unforgettable
he proved it.
You told me that you loved me
he proved that he did.
You told me I was safe with you
that was a lie
you tore my heart in two.
He picked up the pieces
glued them back together
held my hand
every night I cried.
Listened
to every memory
angry tirade
sad blindness
never saying a word against you.
You thought that I would be here
you thought that I would wait
what you did not count on
was…..
anyone can be replaced.
Turns out you were forgettable.
©Jan. 25/20
Picture via Pinterest

It Might be Me Time

I decided that I was going to do something nice for myself as well as helping out the ex so I took holidays from Dec. 27-Jan 5th. I have never done this. As I said in part was to help ex as it is his week and Tember is still out of school. Well Tember has decided he is going to his best friend’s. Which means I am alone for 7 days.

Which lead me to do some calculations. It has been well over a year since I have been alone for a stretch of time. And I am not sure what to do with myself.

Sure I will enjoy my ability to run around apartment stark naked but that will last all of thirty seconds and I will be freezing.
I can watch what I want. Already do that.
And then I realized…..I am going to have some serious me time. To read. To write. To sleep in? We all know that won’t happen.

It will be my time. To work with myself for myself. Sounds odd but an up coming post will make that statement make sense.

And to run around naked from dusk til dawn…..in my dreams.

Dec. 20/19
Picture is my own. Was burning incense and smoke was hanging in air. Snapped a few shots and played around. I like how it turned out.