Day 3

In the last two days I have slept approximately 18 hours or so each day.

Just having a shower yesterday was enough to exhaust me. I was in bed by 7:30 last night. My dreams have been really funky which I remember upon waking for about two seconds and then they are gone.

The headache has been really bad. The type where if you even move the pulsing vise contracts. Where you move so slowly that it is imperceptible to the human eye. I had been searching for Motrin overnight as the headache was really bad and could not find it.

I checked my bag and the other cupboard where I might have put them. Alas no. I was about ready to resign myself to the pulsing headache when I had a sudden thought. I opened the other cupboard door and found…..a full bottle of Motrin! I was so happy as I dumped two into my hand and gulped them down.

Thankfully they did not take long to kick in and my headache has receded. I am still stuffy and a tickle in the throat but nothing like the coughing yesterday. I could see how easy it would be to become overwhelmed by the coughing. The inability to catch your breath.

I always get a cough when I have a regular cold. I usually sound like a barking seal which is scary at the best of times. There were a couple of times where I certainly felt winded after a coughing attack.

Another day on the couch is called for.

April 27/22

Bleak Moored

Once
(pause, sigh)
I would have felt
drowning
sucked
drawn beneath burgeoning waters
breath held
lungs filled
eyes limpid
sightless
drugs
alcohol
vacuum inside
no where to run
no where to hide.
That once
was my life.
Sea of emotions
swamped
overwhelmed
high
low
no in between
no peace
no serenity
manic laughter
sawing at nerves
reverberates
through tired mind
just want to lie down
just want to let go
just want…..
Strength in spades
I have
powerless
paralyzed with fear
broken
breaking
no longer able to hold
finger tips bleeding
clutching
broken ledge
eating into
poisoned skin
painted cherry smile
even as mouth trembles
down turned.
Fraud
fake
failure
screaming through my mind
turn away from mirrored eyes
pushing down nightmared dreams
pretending
life has meaning.
©Nov. 26/20
Picture is my own
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