Emotional Abuse

I wonder
do you feel regret?
You tore away
eroded
destroyed
my self-esteem
my self-worth
made me feel so less
that I could not see the truth.
I say I am sorry
all the time
preventative measures
for when I do wrong.
Unconditional love
does it really exist?
I am so afraid
for the only love I have known
came with strings attached.
Compliment me
I cannot accept
will turn it aside with
‘a yes but…..’
Terrified
that I once more
will be abandoned
deserted
discarded
I erect walls
that grappling hooks cannot breach.
Emotional abuse….
you made me doubt
you made me fear
you made me worthless.
Today
I take it back.
My reality.
No fear.
For I am worth it.
September 24/18
Photo by Alex Wigan on Unsplash

Bitch

God she is a bitch.
Hurtful
mean
spiteful
digging nails into my mind
soul
heart
draining me
as she whispers
‘none shall be yours.’
If I could kill her
excise her
rip her
away from me
I would.
What hurts the most?
Not the things that she says
it is the voice she speaks in
tearing
wearing
eroding my confidence.
It is my voice.
MY VOICE.
Whispering vile words
making me doubt
until I want to scream
drive her out
wrest control
let me be me again.
Whipped
face in the corner
tears track down my cheeks.
Broken.
I am broken.
She won this round.
Destroying me.
My shame lasts not long
arise I shall
coming back with strength’s desire
kicking that bitch
making her scramble
taking back what is mine.
Oct. 1/18