Freedom

Speeding down the road
top down
music blaring
running as fast as I can
from the pain
from the anger
from the rage.
Black pit
waiting
yawning
chasm deep
endless fall
turbulent.
Assailed
all sides
emotions
hurling at me so fast
I am unable to reconcile.
Where…..
what….
is the problem I run from?
I cannot find.
My mind is cloudy
my heart is closing
my mouth sealed
this way
misery contained.
Seeking sunshine
salt air
warm water
to surround myself
caress myself
lose myself
in acceptance.
Time has come
to clear
sweep
destroy
cobwebs lingering
embracing
truth
love
and self.
©May 11/19
Picture via Pinterest found by The Eclectic Contrarian

Trust you….Do?

Trust.
The ability to believe
to understand
that the words spoken
are the ones you mean.
I do not trust.
Too many men
made promises
built sand castles
promised the world
only to stand watch
as the darkening current
swept me away.
Trust.
Given to none
for they do not care.
I desire to give to you
my trust……..
yet…..
I have no faith
I have no trust
I have stood here alone
for so very very long.
You present your hand
a gentle smile
encouraging me to cross.
Leap the brook
toes dance on rocks
you pull me into your arms.
I cradle close
hearing your heart
feeling your arms
wrapped around me….
Trust.
I have given it to you
please
do not make me undone.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
Feb. 19/19

Untitled Relationship Poem #7

Fuck you!
Slashing
slicing
violent words 
used to rip your soul apart
the way you ripped mine.
No guns
no fists 
no blades
vicious words 
spill from my mouth
looking to cut you away.
Trust has been blasted
no more base
not sure what I am going to do
you have hurt me so much.
I should have insisted
but your words 
your promises 
your voiws
lulled my suspicions.
Never again.
Grievous pain
firing through heart
brain
tired of the charge
I want to turn it off.
I want to numb myself
to this hurt inside.
Standing beneath the rushing water
deep breath
once in
twice out
it will be alright.
A fool am I 
love knows no bounds
not a love like this.
Rage
frothing
swelling
you should really run
’cause this woman 
went and got her gun.
 
Feb. 16/18
 

Voices Raised

You yell
you scream
you make me feel
like all is my fault
but really?
Let me ask
you fucked her
not me
how am I the one at fault?
You know you did me wrong
you wrecked my soul
my heart.
You promised me
that you loved me
would do anything for me
but you also swore
this would not happen
you would not fall.
Babe all I can say
I don’t know if I love you
the pain I feel
has more to do with respect
with broken trust
than actual love.
Not a  woman
just a child
you as well
come calling when you get tired 
of dirt
of hovels
of paper plates.
I will pick up the pieces.
You will come crawling
I ain’t stupid man.
I know what this game is.
Go ahead
watch me step back
hey babe
whose life means more?
Tongue tied
I know what is done
she ruined our fun
you don’t care
I am sorry to say
she will fuck you 
in the end.
(and she did)
Feb. 11/19

Trust & Love

I move closer
my body pressed to yours
the feeling of safety
it has never meant more.
When I am with you
sitting
standing
just near
I know that I am safe.
I have never felt that
safety I mean
always there has been fear
there has been pain
there has never been trust.
I trust you.
Holy fuck…..
I trust no one
I do not believe
you won’t care for me.
I shall wander the shore
mist calling my name
looking to escape
while you prove your domain.
Rearing back
staring at you in awe
your eyes meeting mine
never looking away
captivating
telling me
all I need to know.
This is love
that is what I feel
you have discerened
seen beneath the skin
to the woman that I am.
I give you my heart
my soul
my love
my trust.
You have shown me
taught me
that love such as this
it really does exist.
Oct. 10/18

I will…..

Standing atop the mountain
staring down
above clouds skitter across the sky
below
a fall that could mean death
unless I trust I can soar.
My tongue is swollen
words I wish to say
locked in
my throat closes
leaving me breathless.
My heart hammers
pounding
against my ribs
a hand
reaching within
squeezing
ripping it without.
Fall too fast
fall too far
always told to not be rash
to bide my time
to furl in my desires
all will come eventually.
Leaping before I look
before I gauge the situation
trusting myself.
I will fly.
I will fall.
I will be caught.
I will find my truth.
It is out there
waiting on me.
Sept. 7/18
Photo by Mike Wilson on Unsplash