Unnamed Poem #1

finally.
finally i can see
what the world does
when looking at me.
i was lost
now i am found
laughter
bittersweet 
trips from tongue
drunk upon freedom
spin in circles
the sky
it is my limit.
limitless.
limitless I now be
there is nothing
not one damn thing
to stand in front of me
command my desires
free i be 
strong 
true
tigress on the hunt.
stalk the night
prey in sight
low growl
silent glide
never know I am there
until….. 
it is too late.
i am lost no longer.
i am free once more.
jagged nightmare
careful you do not awake
teeth at your throat
claw to heart
i am coming for you
death’s deadly desire.
March 17/20
Picture via Pinterest

Charred Existence

Pitter patter
I can hear
behind me
subtle shift
one pebble to another
 sharp response
building
 tangible darkness
bleeds from my fingertips.
Running
looking to hide away
to suffer not this pain
 to exhale
to harden this tell tale heart
 cease beating 
for faithless lovers deemed.
Breathe in
breathe out
sweet sorrow rising
 spiraling smoke
curtained twilight
  tears rain.
Reaching out
hands in plaintive plea
tormented by dreams
 carved beneath
ebony charred
 woeful mask.
No lover
no friend
shadowed in corners
 mocking me
hands taken…..withheld
 pushed aside…..
  forever…..
   forgotten.
©March 12/20
Picture via Pinterest

Tales Untold

News
gritty grey
dust covered
death
war
hatred
every channel.
Children stolen
death toll paid
heaps of heads
rolling
fall between the cracks
wails of pain
no answers given
they were not important enough.
Lives
bartered
traded
bound in acrimony
a new regime of slaves
a new phantom to chase.
Roiling
pain
reaching far
wide
spanning crevices
un-sighted hands
plunge in
rip heart free
crushed……
Empathy
the ability to…..
clear see everything…..
brought to our knees
head clutched
no more 
no more
screams of torture
learned dread.
Ghosts
weaving
history
hands
grasping
begging for chance
to have their stories told.
©March 7/20
Picture via PInterest

I Am…..

Lost in thought
dreams
slightly out of reach
gazing sightless
upon the things I wish……
time has come
let go of fairy tales
grow up
be responsible
voices crowing
deep inside
but 
whines the little girl
I do not want to let go
grow up
become boring
oh no!
Grow I did
put aside
childish fantasies
dolls a plenty
straighten the collar
romance
dead in the air…..
Time came
(with age comes wisdom
ha ha)
I realized
I knew
my dreams
more important than air
gasping
driven
starved
my creativity
reared
breaking free
from studded cell
admonishing me.
Awaken
my muse
or am I the conduit
for her? him? them?
I let fly
I let free
reign true
rule fair
I am a poet…..
I am a story teller…..
I am…..
whatever my imagination says I am.
©Feb. 20/20
Picture is my own

To Be Counted…..

Twisted
dark gloom
shadows gather in corners
tears shed
become rambling roses
thorns jabbing
blood welling
it has all come again.
Circle upon circle
hell upon hell
looking with desperation
screaming with terror
there is no way out
no steps
no chinks in the wall
stand
looking up
wanting to be there
no here…..
in the depths of misery
in the depths of pain
in the depths of self-hatred.
Body used to tempt
drugs to defend
alcohol to bury the memories
driving myself forward
to forget a past
to forget the tortures I faced.
Falling
falling
falling
heart racing
tears falling
non-stop
cannot see
I only know I need this hurting to stop.
Looking back today
upon the journey I have taken
the road that I am still moving forward on
the emotions I feel
allow myself to feel
accepting help from others
accepting that I am important
accepting that I am worthy of love.
The steps taken
long since 
I have stopped counting.
I continue to move along this life of mine
only now
I can enjoy this trip I am on.
©Feb. 2/20
Picture is my own

Golden Glitz

Knights roar o’er hill
flame announced
fall upon the enemy unknown
practiced ease
plotted before release?
Each chess board piece
intricate care
late nights
pushed here
pulled there
where best to deflect attention?
Turn eyes from this kingdom?
Rats flee
river rises
upon the brass throne
jester
warped mind
warped smile
fear for the Queen
alas
plastic smile
dummy lips
back turned
so damn remiss.
not to lose the throne
by any means
throw the gauntlet
inarticulate threats
left hand pulls
right hand waves
no one even noticed.
©Jan. 4 2020
Picture found on Internet

Eyes Wide Open

I stood behind her in the check out line. Peering. There was something about her. Vaguely familiar. Her jacket open with another underneath. To keep her warm? Why did she not just zip up the outer one? Her scent a mix of vanilla and lavender. She was pretty in a sweet way. The wife was nattering in my ear. I paid her half attention wondering about the young woman in front of us. Ran a critical eye over her purchases. Eggs. Pepsi. Pizza. Hmmmmmmmmm…….
I eyed the groceries I had piled on the belt. ‘Hey the first few items are the must haves…..after that we will see’……Nervously I watched the total add up. I had received an unexpected boon today which allowed me to shop for some items to tide us over until payday. Princess looked at me eyebrows furrowed in question. ‘Kay the pizzas. Cream.’ She looks over at me and pointedly at the pepsi I am buying. It came down to personal items (toothpaste/shampoo/vitamins etc) or extras for the kids lunches. Princess flippantly looks over items and in a throw away voice ‘healthy or beauty?’ I cringed having to say this. Furtively I glanced at the customer behind me. Hoping he would not recognize me. ‘Bars. Buy one get one at least have snack for first part of week.’
I zoned in suddenly. Caught the end of the conversation. That voice. Took a moment to cycle through and realized it was our regular cashier. Always cheerful. Smile on her lips. Asked after the family. Teased and laughed with me.Not someone I would have thought would have to make such a decision. I guess I had never really thought about what it must be like for her outside of the service she provided for me. For my wife. My family. Her cheeks reddened as she peeped from beneath shawl of hair. Realized she was checking to see if I had recognized her. Turned away and pretended that I was listening to the wife.
Oh thank goodness he did not recognize me. Benefit of having such long hair. When it is down most do not see me. Princess handed me the bars and I bagged them. Handed her my rewards card hoping there was something I could redeem. Add at least one of the extras but not yet. Shrugged and paid. Ducked my head so that my hair fell forward covering my face. Beyond Princess no one realized I had been there. I calculated what I had spent and yeah so the pepsi is not a must have but a little something as a treat. Not only for me.
I watched as she walked away. Saw her head swiveling subtly back and forth eyes gauging cataloging the people around her. She did not acknowledge anyone with raised voice or hand. She moved quickly neatly between the people blocking her exit. Realizing as she zipped through none saw her a ghost within their midst.
Thank god I got out without anyone seeing me. Hard to explain how money is something you need to count to the penny. Proud asking for no help because you can do it. And it is no one’s business learn to live in your means tighten your belt voice roaring in your head bow beneath the onslaught. Load the groceries into the back of the car pushing the cart back to the pick up area brace self against the sudden gust of rain washing over me baptismal flood slid behind the wheel. Windows fogged as I steam.
I watched standing at the cart corral as she puts her car into drive pulling into traffic. What I was seeing did not reconcile with the picture I had of her. Granted I only thought of her for the maybe 10 minutes a week I saw her. Never beyond but this is not what I had imagined. Kinda like a cartoon that does not end just because the scene has. Suddenly confronted with the bias of my thoughts. Middle class as they were. Laughing because I had been so sure she was middle class too.
I saw him standing watching as I pulled from my parking space. Rain dousing him until he became a blob in the rear view mirror. He knew now. How was I ever to meet his eyes? Poverty is not a sin…..yet we still feel as though it is. 
Jan. 3 2020
Picture via Pinterest