Death’s Mastery

***I realize that this is very dark and disturbing. The emotions that I have drawn upon are not what I am feeling today. These are the echoes I can recall and express from the dark days of late 2017 and early 2018.*****
Blank sighted
mind aswirl
twisting
reaching out
reaching in
nightmare visions
stop…..
please…..
stop them.
Pain
day after day
night after night
cripples my heart
cripples my body
cripples my mind
unable to move
tears fall
unchecked
river flowing free
curled inward
falling
vile cesspooled pit.
Mouth open
silent screams
reverberate
penetrating to soul
rending
devoured
black ghouls
fattened upon gristled drips
sliver thin
sliced
keen blade
mind in torment.
This is not a cell.
This is not a jail
that I have created
for I want attention
for I need adulation
for I need care…..
it is my mind
caging me
castigating me
slowly killing me.
Unseen death
walking waking nightmare
upon this path
only I can go…..
light recedes
black encroaches
times I believe
death
would be better than this…..
©April 27/20
Picture via Pinterest

Miss You

I miss you
miss your arms around me
miss the smile you give me
when what I say
it makes sense to you.
You listen to me
listen like no one has ever done
making me wonder
who you are
what your game is with me.
Why do you reach out?
Why do you make me feel?
I was content for it to be playful
no emotions
no feelings.
You changed the game
or was it me?
And now we look at one another
eyes hooded with lust
with desire
with trust.
All I want to do
is crawl into your arms
to have you stare into my eyes
I want to wrap my legs around
draw you close
baby please draw me near.
We are scared
we are daring
we want one another
what we don’t want
is the pain
the fear
that we carry in our hearts.
Aug. 22/18