Love’s Desire

Salt laden breeze
strokes my face
tender caress
memory
eyes closed
lips parted
scent of you
surrounds me.
Tear
unbidden
rolls over my cheek.
Smokey dreams
fade with the sunrise
ache
deep seated
pretending all is fine
ruby red lips
creased in fake smile
eyes heavy lidded
shuttered.
Sand
streams between fingers
night scent
leaning back
eyes land upon gleaming star
and
for but a moment
I wish
my dreams to come true
love for me
love for you
a blend of two souls…..
©Dec. 29/19
Picture is my own

Invisible

I want explain
to have you understand
the inner workings of my mind
the memories
the experiences
that have molded me into who I am.
A little girl
rolls into a young girl
folds into a teenager
accidental young adult
anger
pain
despair
ooze from my pores
swipe the bottle
hit the needle
slash the veins
anything at all
to keep these demons quiet.
Face pressed against the window
looking in
always in never out
turned away
slow realization 
you fancy my misery
my sorrow
breathing them in
fodder for your life.
I wish you could see yourself
as I do
bloated vampire
feeding on the blackened emotions
of those who surround you
suffering in silence
as you destroy each and everyone
floating before the greed
the hoard…..
Bronze prison
lower my head
caught 
sincerely lost
a pawn 
in your chess game.
©August 15/19
Picture via Pinterest

Win/Win

Its kinda hard
these feelings that I have
I play
I pretend
so my friends
they don’t realize.
My heartache.
My pain.
My wicked dreams.
I know
these screams
locked inside my head
these truths that I see
there is no doubt
fool that I be.
On my knees
realizing
knowing
no end
fuck me
like a tether
between my teeth.
Do you understand?
bit between the teeth….
shackled in
shod
pain filled
tears
slow streaks upon the pane.
My
oh my
are you a figment of my dreams?
A broken wish 
made upon a dead star?
Is what you feel
what I feel
a blissful memory?
Or
lost
your what the fuck
my wanna kick your…….
we both got our way.
December 16/18

Firelight

Star light

Star bright

I wish I may 

I wish I might

have this wish I wish tonight.

Staring at the skies above

reminded

how vast

how so large

the universe we live in

really is.

My eyes flit from star to star

as I wonder

which it is

that will grant

my wish?

I know the truth

I know wishes will not come true

from the cold white radiance

shining above.

I care not.

I wrap the night

a dark cloak around me

lost in the mysticism

of the firelight.

Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash

I wish….

I wish that there were more hours in the  day. To accomplish all that I want to accomplish. (Work, exercise, clean, down time, read, write, did I mention clean?)

I wish that I would not feel the need to nag and nag and nag. To allow T the space in which to grow. (But at 18 he is released into society and I do not want to let out a caveman)

I wish that I was able to read each and every blog that I follow. To interact and connect with all those wonderful writers. (There are so many I feel I neglect)

I wish that I was able to carve out more space in my life. To allow others entry. (This though means letting them passed the facade I have created to protect myself.)

I wish that I was more confident. That I did not sometimes (always) undermine my worth.

I wish…..I wish…..I wish……

I wish that I would not feel guilty when I failed to accomplish all the above.

Because really I am doing the best that I can. 

Photo via:

http://zerowastenews.org/Cartoon-Section/cartoons.html