Mac & Cheese Man

I died laughing so hard last night.
I am talking I was begging T to stop talking because I could not stop laughing.
And my abs hurt.
In part from working out and the laughing only intensified that.
T decided that instead of taking sandwiches for lunch yesterday he was going to take the leftover mac and cheese from the night before that he had made.
Easier.
He does not mind eating it cold.
When he first got home we talked about how I did not want to go to his dad’s today and have my tires looked at.
Yesterday morning when the ex picked up T he told me my front passenger side tire was almost flat.
Almost flat.
I was ok guess I need to get air will do that on the way to work.
No the tires need to be looked at.
Fine…..ugh.
I suggested that he pick my car up and leave me his and we could do an exchange later.
Nope not going to work because T has company coming.
The ex told T he could not figure out why I was so bent out of shape he was doing the work for free.
Yeah however it is my day off and as I told T last night after he leaves I plan on speaking to no one for the rest of the day.
T: But mom what if I need you. You won’t answer if I text you?
Me: Of course I would respond. That is not talking though.
T: But what if I called you? Would you answer?
Me: You never call me. Why would you call me?
T: Idk what if I am trapped in the bathroom at school by a bear?
Me: When the school called I would tell them to call your dad. That it was his week.
(I am giggling while he looks horrified)
T: Mom everyone knows that when their child(ren) are in danger their moms become like the Hulk. And they will TKO anyone.
Me (laughing): Not if it is your dad’s week. He can rescue you from the bear.
T: Mom he would never answer.
Me: Oh well I guess you are SOL than.
He was not impressed with me on this one despite the laughing.
T: I forgot to take a fork for my mac and cheese.
Me (opening my mouth to ask):
T: I had to eat with my hands.
Me: Your hands. (giggling begins)
T: Yes. And I was so embarrassed at the dentist’s with my orange shirt.
Me: Why were your hands still orange? (still giggling)
T: Mom I washed my hands my shirt was orange. What did you think I left them orange? Here comes the mac and cheese man.
(He begins his sideways walk waving his arms in the air)
T: Do you want my mac and cheese hands to get you? Let me touch you with my mac and cheese fingers.
mcman
I am screaming with laughter and he is grabbing my hands with his grubby hands.
T: Mac and Cheese Man reading your thoughts.
He flops on the end of the bed and I am still howling.
T looks at me like I have gone off the deep end.
I am gasping for air;  tears rolling down my cheeks.
Me: I (laughing uncontrollably)am sure…..I find this way funnier than you will.
T: What?
Me: laughing
T: Mom
Me: I have this image…..
Me: I have this image of you…..
T: Mom!
Me: I have this image of you with handfuls of mac and cheese shovelling them into your mouth!
More laughter.
T: Mom there was not even enough there for a handful.
caveman
The actual image I had in my mind’s eye:
T hunched over like a cave man shoveling handfuls of mac and cheese into his wide open mouth.
And I could not get it out.
Once more folks I cried myself to sleep…..from laughing with my son.
©June 18/21
Pictures found on Pinterest

He Ain’t No Cupid

T arrived home from his dad last night and we had our evening chat.
Or rather he follows me and talks.
And talks.
And talks.
Last night was no exception.
We were discussing his father and summer.
Which is when I discover that the man has broken up with girlfriend number 6 or 7 because while he liked her a great deal she had the audacity to fall in love with him.
Poor woman.
Also the third in 6 months that he has attempted to make my friend.
As though I have problem making my own friends.
But I digress.
This is an ongoing theme with him and I really wish he would either stop dating until he gets his shit together or quit bringing them home to T.
In the 6 years that we have been apart the man has to count his women on two hands.
And those are the ones that I know of.
T: Mom I so learned one thing from this love lesson of dad’s.
Me: Which is what?
T: Do not go to dad for relationship advice.
I rolled.
I howled.
I laughed so hard.
We then segued into some conversation that ended up with my crying.
I was laughing so hard.
T was hanging onto the counter.
I was laying in bed and I thought that I heard humming.
I listened a little more and realized that it is the same tune that I hum when I bored.
Now I have not hummed in a long long time.
Usually only  when there is no music and I always have music.
Finally realized that it was T.
Me: T are you humming?
T: Huh?
Me: Humming? Are you?
T: Yeah why?
Me: Where did you hear that tune?
T:  I don’t know I just hum it.
Me That is the same tune that I hum.
T: I stole it from your thoughts.
Lately I have been seeing shadows.
As though someone is leaning against the kitchen counter looking into my room.
Leaning against the door.
Running along the floor.
Not in the creepy upside down scuttling like a possessed person more like a little kid zooming out of the corner of my eye.
It is actually Loki in that one before you start calling for priests.
While I know that they are shadows I will admit my heart has stopped on more than one occasion when I have seen them.
You know those tube mascot type men?
inflatable
Now picture my beast of a child standing next to my bed…..
in shadows…..
knees bent in the Zyborg fashion and he starts waving his arms and bending.
Me: What are you doing? Stop it!
T: This is how I steal your thoughts.
Me: What the hell! T stop it.
(I am now giggling)
T continues to wave his arms and torso about.
T: Stealing your thoughts.
Me (laughing): Seriously do not do that! If you do be prepared that I will throw things at you.
T: Steeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaling your thoughts……..
He left my room and went in to finish making his mac and cheese.
At 10 p.m.
I lay in bed chortling away when T starts telling me I can clean the kitchen up in the morning.
I chuffed at that one and told him to clean it up now.
He was not impressed but he did it.
Although I laughed even harder when I heard:
T: Well that so was not helpful.
Me: OMG you are me.
T: What do you mean?
Me:  What did you do?
T: Turned the light off instead of the fan.
Me: LOL I say that all the time.
And I do.
To myself only.
Finally we are both settled.
I am still chuckling to myself when mom mode comes to the fore.
Me: Hey did you turn the stove off?
T: Huh?
Me: Did you turn the stove off?
T: Did I turn the snow off?
Me: Stove! Did you turn the stove off?
T: Of course I did.
Still laughing I got up and went into his room.
I performed The Tube Man dance which he was not impressed about.
I got the little hand motion indicating move from my space now.
I chortled.
Gonna say there is nothing better than crying yourself to sleep.
From laughter.
I did ask T if his friends had as much fun as we did.
Did they laugh as much with their parents?
T told me he does not tell anyone about our conversations because no one would believe him.
©June 17//21
Picture via Pinterest