Sweet Serenity

Floating through my mind
half forgotten melody
childhood memory
I close my eyes
I breath in deep
listening to that song.
When first did I hear it?
this lull-a-bye?
Soothing my fears
chasing away my anxiety
wrapping me in the warmth of love.
I sit
knees drawn 
tears tracking my cheeks
working so hard
to not be
silly
ugly
desperate
I really do miss you.
Late at night
I awaken
lacking the warmth of your body
next to mine.
I startle from nightmares.
I wake
hour after hour
missing your arms
missing your touch
pillow sodden with tears.
I long for you
yearn
desire your truth.
Hero
villain
not sure which role to play.
I love you
what more should I say?
Could I say?
I wanted….
fairy tale love
swept off my feet
sparks between our eyes.
Sweet serenity
lull-a-bye
soothing my soul
my heartache
bringing me to balance once more.
December 19/18

Not Unwanted

Never something I was looking for
I had turned myself away
off
unavailable
prefering to make of life
what it was.
Began so slowly
a message here and there
until it became a daily thing
creeping up on us both.
When you don’t look
when you don’t grasp
when you are surprised
by the sudden longing of feeling
remember that I too am as flustered as you.
These feelings
emotions
desires
yet not unwanted.
Aug. 30/18
Photo by Dan Musat on Unsplash

Plastic Girl

Pious in nature
glaring down
eyes piercing
mouth downward turning
you stare at me
making me feel
making me tremble
with your disgust.
I want to be me
you want me to be right
to be good
to be what you want me to be.
Never once did you look to see
never once did you llisten
never once did you heed my words
instead
turning me into a plastic doll
one who could be posed
ordered
taught to be like you.
espousing all that is good
you crushed me beneath your heel.
I finally decided
enough is enough
I can no longer be
this doll of yours
I need to be me.
Aug. 27/18
Photo by Esteban Lopez on Unsplash

Miss You

I miss you
miss your arms around me
miss the smile you give me
when what I say
it makes sense to you.
You listen to me
listen like no one has ever done
making me wonder
who you are
what your game is with me.
Why do you reach out?
Why do you make me feel?
I was content for it to be playful
no emotions
no feelings.
You changed the game
or was it me?
And now we look at one another
eyes hooded with lust
with desire
with trust.
All I want to do
is crawl into your arms
to have you stare into my eyes
I want to wrap my legs around
draw you close
baby please draw me near.
We are scared
we are daring
we want one another
what we don’t want
is the pain
the fear
that we carry in our hearts.
Aug. 22/18

Thought #11

Saying good-bye to the one you love will tear at your heart, and make your eyes flood. Time, fifteen minutes or so and the ache is just that an ache. You always know that one love, the one love who will never be yours. And for me, that was you.

Photo by michael podger on Unsplash

Making me Yours

You draw a finger along the shape of my cheek,

cupping my face with tender hands

Breathing deeply the scent that I wear

your lips barely touching mine.

I desire, I want, I need.

You back me to the wall, using your presence as a barrier

and I groan with desire.

You capture my mouth in yours, possessing me

claiming what you want, what you desire, what you have earned.

Knees shake unable to support me

as I collapse into your arms.

You carry me forward and drop me on the bed

as I watch from lidded eyes.

There is no explanation required;

as you drop down next to me.

All we have is this time, this now

take me and make me yours.

 

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

March 16/17