Sweet Serenity

Floating through my mind
half forgotten melody
childhood memory
I close my eyes
I breath in deep
listening to that song.
When first did I hear it?
this lull-a-bye?
Soothing my fears
chasing away my anxiety
wrapping me in the warmth of love.
I sit
knees drawn 
tears tracking my cheeks
working so hard
to not be
silly
ugly
desperate
I really do miss you.
Late at night
I awaken
lacking the warmth of your body
next to mine.
I startle from nightmares.
I wake
hour after hour
missing your arms
missing your touch
pillow sodden with tears.
I long for you
yearn
desire your truth.
Hero
villain
not sure which role to play.
I love you
what more should I say?
Could I say?
I wanted….
fairy tale love
swept off my feet
sparks between our eyes.
Sweet serenity
lull-a-bye
soothing my soul
my heartache
bringing me to balance once more.
December 19/18

Not Unwanted

Never something I was looking for
I had turned myself away
off
unavailable
prefering to make of life
what it was.
Began so slowly
a message here and there
until it became a daily thing
creeping up on us both.
When you don’t look
when you don’t grasp
when you are surprised
by the sudden longing of feeling
remember that I too am as flustered as you.
These feelings
emotions
desires
yet not unwanted.
Aug. 30/18
Photo by Dan Musat on Unsplash