Heart & Soul

Today’s episode of ‘Let’s see if Jay can keep her cool…..’ is brought to you by…..me!

It has been awhile (okay a long time) since I have given an update as to what is going on with me and T.

The end of the year was difficult for T and I. We had a lot of rough mornings, yelling and screaming and that was just me. He ranted and cried and refused to leave the house. We have to find a balance for next year as I am just so unprepared to deal with this. As well, he is going to soon out weigh me so it will be harder to push him out the door. 🙂 The last time we battled, I ended up grabbing him by the back of the neck and frog marching him into the bathroom. Than dragged him out by his arm. All while he screamed ‘stop hurting me, you’re hurting me.’ This lead to a serious discussion on the way to school let me tell you.

Now for braggy mom to come out. T sailed onto Grade 5. With flying colors. My son is a mostly A student with a couple of B’s thrown in there. The subjects that were the lower grades, well not the ones that he found to be all that enjoyable. What I need to enforce this summer is reading so that he will be going into Grade 5 on par with his peers.

Me time, me time! I have been doing awesome. I am happy. I am confident. Yes, no doubt there are days when I have a little let down but they never last long. I am setting goals for myself and although I have yet to begin working on a single one, I have them. Work is going so amazing.

Stepping down absolutely was the best thing that I could have done. I am not the same person at all. The person who worried. Who controlled. Who followed all the rules. She is gone. I am responsible for T and myself. No one else. Nothing else. I am way more relaxed. I am making changes, ones that are good for me. Exercising. Eating well. I am not sure how it could get any better. Well I can but that is a long conversation for another time.

Now let us fast forward to today’s episode on ‘Can Jay keep her cool?’

First Act: Regular customer is getting ready to pay for his groceries. Pays the same way all the time. I told him the total and hit debit and told him to go ahead and insert. He looked at me sheepishly and said: I’m sorry, I stuck it in too early.’ I bit my tongue so hard to keep from laughing out loud.

Second Act: A lady stops in front of the counter. I ask her how I can help her. This is the following conversation.

‘How can I help you today?’

‘I want a ticket.’

‘What type of ticket are you wanting?’

‘A scratch ticket.’

‘What type of scratch ticket?’

‘I guess they are all scratch tickets aren’t they?’

I could only stand and stare at her.

‘I think I will take a crossword because I like words.’

Third Act: Phone is ringing and I answer it. I do my spiel ‘Thank you for calling blah blah blah blah. How may I help you?’

‘I need a price check.’

‘Okay, on what?’

***To save on space and too boring I will give a synopsis.***

The customer had been in our store and made a purchase for her neighbor of cream. Now when she got home, there was no cream. But she paid for it. And the cashier had given her back change. $15-16. I check with the cashier and no, cream was not left behind. Ask customer if she has her receipt and am told no.

‘M’aam, maybe you were not even charged for it.’

‘But I was. I gave her a $20 and she gave me back change. I just need to know the price so I can charge my neighbor.’

‘But you don’t have the cream?’ (Yes I realize none of my business.)

‘But I paid for it and now she needs to pay me back,’

I go and check for her and come back to phone.

‘$3.99.’

‘Good so $4.00 I will charge her.’

She than hung up. Did not even ask me how we were going to fix this. Was so intent on getting her price that the fact she did not have the product seemed to have flown out the window. I would have loved to be a fly on that wall.

‘Yes Doris? You owe me $4.00.’

‘Where’s my cream?’

‘Well it never made it home with me. You still owe me $4.00 though for the cream.’

And so on and so forth. Shaking my head.

Act Four: Answering the phone, giving my spiel and realizing that a) there was no one there and b) the phone had not even rung. Thank goodness I have a great sense of humor with myself and laughed hard.

These are the type of days I have. They make great fodder for the imagination. Today’s though, they were too special to keep to myself. I love talking to people, and while there are those who would prefer to remain silent, the majority like to talk. Which leads me to this gem.

I was checking through a little old lady. She was about 90/92 I believe, she did tell me so that is how I know that it was in the 90’s. We were chatting away and I was explaining to her that sometimes I talk so much (shocker there) that I am not aware of what I am doing.

Case in point: I was chatting away with my customer and trying to scan a product. I kept moving it back and forth and finally looked down to see why I was not getting a beep. Well, it only works when you scan it with the laser, not over the deactivator. The customer and I roared.

By the time I was done, my little old lady was laughing so hard. I handed her back her change and wished her a good day.

She said to me: ‘You are good for my heart and soul. Thank you for making me laugh today.’

And that folks is how I am leaving it. I am good for the heart and soul.

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Happiness is easy

Hey! What is that sound I am hearing? The one that is constantly pouring from my mouth, shaking my body, making my eyes shine? What is that noise I am making? Why can I not stop grinning?

I work with people all day long. I talk and talk and talk and talk. Yet I complain about T when he talks too much. Believe me I totally get the irony of that statement.

Since starting back to work last month, all I have done is Customer Service and cashiering. No responsibility. None. I show up for my shift, I do my work, I come home. I am not grouchy. I am not short tempered with T. I am loving going in no earlier than 9 a.m. So far the latest that I have had to stay until is 8:30 p.m.

Next week I begin working 8 hour days, earliest start time is 9 with the latest at 9:30. Wohooooo! Home no later than 6 p.m. Okay, home at 6:08 if I don’t have to go and pick T up from the sitter’s. Maybe I will make him walk home which of course he would not find very funny.

And the laughing. I laugh almost all the time with most of my customers. There is joking so much so that I have gotten to the point of saying that my comedy is free of charge, a bonus for coming through my till. And I do not have a quiet laugh. I am the girl who laughs with her entire being. I have mentioned that before in previous blogs. Head back, belly laughs. There have been times that I have been close to tears I am laughing so hard.

And the staff I am working with are terrific. I am wondering if I might have been a little scary before and come to think of it,  yeah I was. Anal, everything had to be by the book.  Unable to give up control. And I did not hang out with them while working. I was always doing what a manager does, managing. I do not have to do that now. Manage I mean.

Am I helpful? Yes I am. But I do not have to watch like a hawk and make sure that every little thing is being taken care of. I stand behind my till or bag for other cashiers. Last night I washed tills and made sure to tidy up the front. I did what I could do without stressing or foaming at the mouth because things were not completed before I left work.

I have been given until the end of June (I will have been back to work for 3 months than) to get back on my feet. To make the decision of whether or not I want to continue on in the role of Front End Lead, step down to Supervisor or step all the way down. To full time Customer Service/Cashier. And I have to tell you I am fairly confident that I already know what my answer is going to be.

 

Flirt Stupid

****Picture stolen from Facebook-Ha ha at least there would be no doubt***
I am not looking for a relationship. At all. I think though that I have had men flirt with me. I never know.
I wear a uniform at work. Black pants. White shirt. Black sweater. Green apron. Runners.   So totally unattractive look.   My hair is usually pinned all up although of late I have been gathering just the top back.   And I am paid to talk to people. All day long. I am paid to know my regulars and what is going on in their lives. I am paid to smile. A lot. And talk, did I mention the talk?
My first instance of what may have been a man flirting with me occurred last summer. I was cashiering and this very nice man came through my checkout. Rugged. Tall. Wearing jeans and tee shirt. Baseball cap. We were joking around and laughing. I embarrassed myself by guessing he was older than he was. His response was ‘oh you must like the older men’. I was horrified. I could feel the heat in my cheeks. He told me not to go all red now-which made me blush even harder.
Once he had left and my little heart stopped doing the pitter patter I was told that laughing and joking around was indicative of flirting. Than I looked in the mirror. Black streaks. Across my forehead and cheeks. Newsprint on my hand transferred to my face. I was going to start a new make up trend. I figured the guy probably was laughing at me and well I am a cashier.
The second incident happened a couple weeks ago. Again nice looking guy. Rugged. Etc etc. Read above. With his son. I figured he was married. Working express (15 items or less) does not leave much time for detective work.  We were laughing when ‘that’ parent joke came up. I asked if he would like carry out and he indicated his son saying ‘I brought  my carry out with me.’ I began laughing and told him how my son complained that I treated him like a slave. How he did not remember signing up to be my slave. Of course he did, when I signed his birth certificate. Until 18.
His son rolled  his eyes as dad loaded him up with bags. This time no black streaks. Nothing in my teeth. But he had to be married even if there was no ring. Again, and I can’t emphasize this enough as a cashier I am friendly. I talk to people and laugh with them.
I told K about him. Explained what had gone down. The message I received back was she knew I was flirt dumb. (Much nicer than flirt stupid) Generally if there was laughing, if eye contact was maintained for longer than a 5 second count one was flirting . Again I may have missed the boat.
I would like to reiterate I do not want a relationship but male company every now and than would be nice. You know for the moments when I can’t get the lid off the spaghetti sauce. Or I need my shower head changed. Those things. 😂😂😂😂
Third flirt I believe happened today.
2nd last customer of my shift. Rolls up with a cart load of groceries. Told me I did not have to fly through his order he would come and help me bag. I assured him I did not mind bagging as he is hurrying to pile his groceries on the belt. He comes up and we begin chatting. The cashier from the till behind me was doing the bagging. I mentioned that I was just about off and he teased me that he had seen my face fall when he rolled up with his cart. I insisted I had not.  We joked back and forth and as I got to the end of his order one of our already rubbed chickens came through. Honey Sriracha. I asked how it was, if it was really spicy. He said that his kids loved it and they would not if it was spicy. I made some comment about T.
I am fairly confident that this last one was flirting. I cannot be 100% sure. And given that my job is serving people and talking to them I may come across as just being friendly. Also and here is the big one I am at work!  Next big thing is I live in a city where marriage and committed relationships are the norm. I am the anomyly.
Flirt stupid I am and flirt stupid I will remain. As the saying goes: you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. 🐶🐶   😂😂

Stormy Sunshine

Today has been one of those days that began with a storm and ended in sunshine. T and I went head to head this morning. Screaming. Crying. I told him to shut up. He tried to hit me. Unsuccessfully before you get up in arms. I easily batted his hands away as he was screaming at me not to touch him. I locked myself in my bedroom. Eventually things settled down.

I am not proud of either of our behaviors. However a friend told me that some times you need to assert your authority. Remind them who the boss is. I had forgotten about that. T apologized to me and our morning ended with my dropping him off at school. And trying to teach him some times tables on the way to school. He did not like my attempts even though I was trying to teach him some short cuts. I told him that in either grade 3 or grade 4 (positive it was grade 3) I use to be sent off to a quiet room off the library to do my times tables. I had some issues learning them as well. I still use short cuts I taught myself when I need to times some numbers.

Went to work intent on talking to my boss about my return to 8 hour shifts May 14th.  However he was busy and I did not catch him before my shift started. So I forced him to talk to me on my 15 minute break. That I set my timer for. I wanted to know how he was feeling about me. What he thought and/or felt about my return. What we were planning to do.

He asked me how I felt I was doing. How I was doing. Not how the front was doing but me. And what did I do, I told him everything that I was noticing that was wrong. Again I need to learn how to not do these things. I need to step back and do my job. Just my job. Not manage but interact with the customers. Talk with people. I am uncertain if I should go and mention that I realize my error in listing out what I was seeing or if I should leave it alone.

We decided that I am going to work Customer Service and Cashier until the end of June. During this time I am going to decide whether or not I want to remain the Lead Supervisor. If I want to step down and be a supervisor. Or completely remove myself from the supervisory responsibility altogether and become full time Customer Service/Cashier. Still at same wage. Still with same benefits. Still with 40 hours a week. And no responsibility. None. Other than to come in and do my job.

While talking with my friend, I listed out all the pros. This here is the largest one, even though I have gone back to work my creative juices have been flowing. I am having ideas galore, some are funny, some are dark, but they are there. I have begun working on my first collection of short stories and poetry. I am excited. Last night I did not want to go to bed at 10 p.m. because I wanted to be writing. I woke up at 4 and thought about getting up to write but I had been in the middle of a great dream and decided that I wanted to try and recapture it.

Tonight I have had two ideas pop up and a third in play. My first batch is a little dark, okay a lot dark and warped.  My comedic ideas are totally lighter.  I think that once I get some of this darkness out of me, I will settle into a balance. This is the joy of writing short stories, I can write about everything and anything.

My evening has been good. I did not turn on the t.v. until around 6. I was home at 2. Although I did not do a full work out I did do my toning exercises. Supper was pork tenderloin sliced thin, 4 slices of cheese toast and salad. I was famished. As I was cooking I realized/spotted the above item on the floor. I picked it up and was about to throw it away when I realized what it was.

I had bought T a 6 pack of Powerade. It is one of the rings that hold the 6 together. He snipped it so that when it went into the garbage and eventually made it to the dump, that no animals could get tangled up in it. So I must be doing something right.

Okay, now I am so embarrassed.  I was asking T where he had learned to cut the loops so as to save the animals. And he looks at me like I have grown 2 horns. Has no idea what I am talking about. I explain to him how birds can get tangled in them, smaller animals etc. He is shaking his head. So I ask why he is cutting the loops. So he can get the drink out. I could only stare at him. I told him I had been bragging about him all over the place. And now alas, I am wrong about his motives. Where oh where did I go wrong? (JK)

Tomorrow is another Day

Today has not been a winning day.
I guess I should have known something was afoot when I took the laundry out of the dryer last night and dumped it on my bed without putting it away or folding it. It is still there. My bed has remained unmade. This morning, I reset the alarm to 5:30 and decided that I did not feel like exercising. I did get ready for work and T and me sat here having our usual morning. And than it began at 8:35 when I told T to get his jacket on.
Another disagreement. I ended up going outside so that I did not begin to yell. I was frustrated about his unwillingness to wear his winter coat to school. He came out and stormed off to the car. In the car he continued ranting that he did not need a jacket. It was not that cold out. And it was too cold for me to walk and meet him after school. It is too puffy. It is too small. Why couldn’t I buy him a spring jacket at least? I than told him that someone may think that I was an unfit mother and call CFS. Which lead to a conversation in which he informed me he would not allow them to take him and there was no way that he was going to another family.
Both of us were irritated when I dropped him off. He did not give me a goodbye kiss. Nor blew me a kiss. But he did tell me that he loved me as he ran off. I watched hoping that he would turn around and blow me my kiss, but no.
I came back home and ate a bowl of cereal before leaving for work.
I am not feeling it. I enjoy talking to the customers and helping them, but I look around and I see how things have slipped. I worked really hard building up our front end. And it has slipped. One of the other supervisors today even told me that they had been letting things slide. I am not wonder woman and I am not riding to the rescue anymore.
This morning before leaving for work, I checked my blood pressure and it was high. 144/93. Which caused me to freak out. Got home from work, and took it again. 143/90. I started to cry. I sent K a frantic message and she told me to calm down. To call my doctor. That it might be possible that I really am not ready to be back at work. I thought that I would make myself lunch and sit down, relaxing. Until I called to make sure that my paperwork for my claim had been filed. And discovered that my hours and earnings were going to have to be submitted before they would top me up. I was calm on the phone but the minute I got off, the tears started to flow.
I know, I know, what the heck was I crying for? It was not as though I could do anything about it. It is a small blip in the steadiness that has been the norm for me lately. I even sent K a message telling her that. But it did not make me feel any better. Even sobbing did not alleviate the sudden sadness that flowed over me. And to make it worse, there was no reason for it. I have dealt with worse and have been alright.
I did end up driving to the school to pick T up. He was right this morning it was too cold for me to walk. I am a bit of a woose tha way. Even as I sat in the car texting with a friend, tears flowed down my face. They would not stop. I shook my head trying to get a grip. I mean I had to walk across the school yard to get T, I couldn’t have tears frozen to my face.
T wanted to go to his friend’s place today but understood when I told him that I had a rough day and wanted him to be at home. He was kind of okay with this but not really. He is 9. Who wants to hang out with their mom when they have friends calling for them. I had held my hand out to him, I think I wanted a flat high five and he grabbed it holding tight. I was explaining about my high blood pressure and work. And maybe just maybe the rejection of my poem, even though I was prepared for it, bothers me a little more than I thought. Suddenly I turned to him and announced that we were going to have lasagna and cheese bread (amazing store made cheesebread) and he laughed at me.
He found it funny that one second I was crying and the next I was excited about supper. We discussed the fact that he needed to plan a bit better for his going over to his friends. I needed to know about it before hand, not when I picked him up. And than I started to cry again and told him that I was sorry, I was not really in the mood to have to deal with people. He looked over at me and said ‘Mom, you are strong. You are very very strong. And you can do this.’
Of course more tears came but they were proud tears. Granted he was trying to make me feel better and we have had a ton of conversations about his not having to do that. But he loves me. And he wants me to remember these things. I looked over at him and asked him what the heck I would do without him.? His answer was that he did not know what either myself or his dad would do without him.
I was talking tonight with a new friend, someone who rapidly has become one of ‘those’ people. She gets me. Even when I am weird. She listens to me as well. Unfortunately for her she is now a part of my tribe whether she wants to be or not. I’ll call her DD. And it has nothing to do with her bra size. As we were talking about her day, she mentioned how she felt that everything that was wrong today would be made right tomorrow. And I began to cry.
Is that not the truth of it? The reality of things? While today I am feeling like I have slipped back 10 or 15 steps come tomorrow, it will be made right.

Could not have been better

Today has been a heck of a day. I have gone from crying to calm to excitement to being content.
When I woke up this morning, I already was in a not terrific mood. I was feeling out of sorts and walking into the mess of my kitchen and looking into the living room did not help. I also had slept for 9 hours which is unusual. I had a dream which is awesome because for a long while I have not been able to remember them. The last three nights I have not only dreamed but remembered what they were. I grabbed the broom and began to sweep the kitchen and hallway, grousing under my breath as I did. I had only asked T about 100x Saturday to please sweep the floor to no avail. I continued my grousing as I did the dishes. Annoyed about the smallest things.
I ground my coffee and set it to brew when I realized what was going on. I went over to T and told him that it was not his fault. That although I was annoyed and grousing that it was not because of him. I return to work tomorrow. I really do not want to. Alas, I have yet to win the lottery so I must earn a living somehow. It is not that I am afraid to go back, V is in tomorrow and P and K have told me to text them and they will assist as they can. It is that I do not want to go back period. Although my being at home is due to a depressive episode, the time with T has been amazing. I have been able to write and get myself back on track.
I sent out a few messages and got encouragement from all. But I really wanted to talk to my mom. No matter what, no matter how much support was shown to me, I needed mom. I had Skyped her last night wanting to talk but she was not available. So this morning after getting my coffee and settling on my bed, I messaged her and asked if she was around. Got a yes and told her that I was going to Skype. This was the first time that I used my Notebook to do so and after closing the bedroom door, I set it on the pillows so that I did not look like I was sitting in the shadows. And we talked. About this and that. I told her my news and we celebrated that as well.
The discussion took a bit of a dark turn when he came into the conversation. I explained to mom that my way of dealing with him popping into my brain is to say go away over and over again until he does. I refuse to give him any power. he is a nonentity.  Although will come into conversation on occasion. There will be times that I cannot avoid talking about him but he can no longer hurt me.
Our conversation turned from that to the trip that the three of us had taken to the Outer Banks of The Bahamas. I was either 4 or 5. The first leg of the trip was on Air Canada. It was awesome. I had this book of activities to do that I got on the plane! I still remember that book even if I do not remember what the games or activities were about. This was the first airplane ride I had been on. I was excited. The second leg was in a smaller plane and well, I did not fair well on that one. I threw up into those lovely small sick bags they use to provide on planes.
Mom mentioned that she had been thinking about it lately, and did I remember the starfish I had found. And I do, clear as day. I also recall that I sang Twinkle Twinkle little star with Michael. He worked at the resort we were staying at and I had a wee crush on him. I admit that I do not actually know if I have a real memory of that or if it is because it is a story we have told over and over again. But as we talked I suddenly became excited because I remembered us going on a walk and there was a derelict pink home. Iron railing/fencing around it and vines on the side of it. It was like a Spanish hacienda I bellieve. Mom knew what I was talking about too. It was an awesome feeling.
I ended my conversation with mom and went to get myself the rest of my coffee. I proceeded to begin my way through all my emails. I am not overly popular, it is that I have it set up so that I get instant notification/email when one of the bloggers I follow posts. I hate missing anything you guys write/post about. It was delightful laying there reading and interacting. I played around for a little bit on Clockmaker and than dressed as M was coming to get K-T and I had told her I would do her taxes for her. I get UFile every year and can do up to 4 returns. I usually only do mine and the Ex’s so figured I would offer to do hers because it is super easy and why pay when I have 2 returns left to use? Turned out though that we did not have all the information so I cancelled it and will continue when I everything I need.
After they left it was time to clean T’s room. His room has the lived in look of a boy’s room. Lego everywhere. Paper everywhere. Clothing everywhere. I did not require a haz-mat suit but it was close. Oh he bitched and moaned that he had to help. And it was taking forever. And when can he be done? And mom can I take a break? I said sure, but you are coming back at 2 to help. Well by 2 I was done. Bed made, floors cleaned and vaccumed and clothing all sorted and hung up or folded and put away. I told him that now I would not be embarassed for anyone to see his room and that I expected it to stay that way.
There was a little squirmish about him assisting with the rest of the apartment so I decided that I would vaccum living room and all that is left for tomorrow is washing the floors and the bathroom. Not totally out of hand.
The exciting news was that as I was sitting on the floor in T’s room, sorting through papers and lego and cars, I had an idea for a book. And I am pumped. I even have points already jotted down for things I want to cover. Although K thought that it would most likely be marketed as a self-help book it is really about my experiences with depression and how I have come out on the other side. All of us have different stories and different ways of coping but sometimes, even when people have the best intentions we still feel all alone. I want to try to get across that none of us are really alone, there is always someone to reach out to.
As my day winds down, I am still on the fence about returning to work tomorrow. T has decided that he would like to go and see his dad after school tomorrow although it is my week. I am okay with this as he is going on three weeks with only having seen his dad three times. I am in 9-1 tomorrow and after I come home I plan to go for a walk and finish my chores than sit down and write. I have ideas you see and they keep spinnning around. More so because it is based on my life, and I will be using blog posts and poetry, I can write it out of order and than put it all together.
Despite having started my day off feeling out of sorts and frustrated, I ended up having a great day. I told T that we have to be in bed by 9:30 tonight as I need to be up at 5 to do my workout. He seems to be okay with that. My uniform is ready to go. My brain is focused on my writing as opposed to the worrying that it sometimes falls into which is a great thing. And I am feeling calm and centered. I really could not have asked for a better day.

Supermom

I was messaging with a friend this morning who is suffering from a migraine. She has had it since yesterday morning and still went into work and accomplished a full day. Last night it was at a point where she was considering going to get something stronger from the hospital to help her manage the pain. But like a lot of people that I know (myself included) she pushed through it, ignoring the brutal throbbing in her head. After a full day she went home and made dinner for her children and got ready for today.
We spoke for a little while last evening and she did manage to lay down for a bit but that did nothing to ease the pain. I am assuming that she thought that this morning it would either be gone or have subsided.
Fast forward to my waking up at 3:58 a.m. and ready to start my day. I made myself coffee and as it brewed sat on the couch sending my good morning texts and gif’s to my circle. I do this every day for those of you who may not have read the previous blog. Well within minutes of sending the good morning gif to her, my friend was messaging. She feels awful. Her neck and back and shoulders are all stiff. Her head is not any better. Maybe on the way to work she will stop at urgent care for something.
First I suggested that she take the day off and allow herself the time needed to get through this migraine. Well nope that was not going to work because she could not afford to miss a day of work. I did point out to her that only a few months ago she was getting by just fine on less, one day would not make or break her. She agreed but than messaged back ‘But Jay, as single moms we have to work.’  First I asked her who she sounded like right there? And than I sent her a message saying that I had something really important to tell her so I was sending it all in capital letters, not yelling at her. I am going to put it here word for word in capital letters because this is something that all mothers not just single moms need to hear/read and realize:
IF AS (SINGLE) MOTHERS WE DO NOT TEND TO OUR PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL/MENTAL WELLBEING FIRST WE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO USE TO THOSE AROUND US. (I copied it word for word although I added in the mental for this post.)
Really what use are we? Cringing in pain. Near tears. Short tempered with our children and loved ones. We are useless. I am worried that working in front of a computer will only exacerbate her pain. And finally because she has told me her boss is a fairly decent guy I said he would not have any issues and if he did the Wicked Witch of the North (a.k.a. me) would fly down on her broom and have words with him. Takes too long to drive and besides my passport has lapsed so broom it will have to be. And she said that he most definitely would have a problem.
This lead to me thinking about the differences between a boss and a leader. When one works their butt off, getting everything reorganized and up to date, fixing the errors of others, a leader will see the benefits in allowing a worker to stay home to recuperate. They realize one day in the grand scheme of things is better than having them end up taking off a week or more if the illness continues. . But if he/she makes you feel guilt, as though you must come in when you are clearly ill and/or in pain that does not a good leader make. Making people overextend themselves and push through illness/pain is the sign of someone lacking in compassion and empathy.
Bosses who lack in compassion and empathy, they are people who are looking at the bottom line and not putting their employees well being first. Happy employees are efficent employees and generally long term employees who can be counted on to be reliable and willing to work hard at their position.
I use to be that boss. I myself would push through illness or a bout of depression because my bosses have made me feel that I needed to be there. That it was my responsibility come hell or highwater to make my shift and do a good job. This despite having six to seven supervisors on my team who could easily cover for me. So when my staff would call in sick I would get a little tense and snappish about it. (I do have a policy that staff are can call in 3 hours before their shift if feeling under the weather. I have had people try to call me at 7 a.m. for a shift at 6 p.m. and ask them to call back because sleep sometimes does wonders.)
Now though, and I started doing this prior to my latest bout of depression, I do not sweat it when someone calls in sick. I have more than enough people who can and want to pick up extra shifts. If they are scheduled to work the next day, I will call and check on them. Urging them to stay at home if they still are feeling under the weather. I do not want to be that person that is considered callous and insensitive. And reality is all it took was a simple shift in how I thought and priorities. Happier staff I have discovered leads to more productivity and people who want to do a good job for you.
As moms I think our focus is generally outside of ourselves. Children. Parents. Spouses. Friends. Being a good employee. We fall through the cracks because we believe that we are Supermom and can manage everything and anything.  Truth is even Supermom can be felled by the flu or a cold or an injury. The list goes on and on. We need to learn how to take the time to recuperate. There is no one else who will insist on in.