Charred Existence

Pitter patter
I can hear
behind me
subtle shift
one pebble to another
 sharp response
building
 tangible darkness
bleeds from my fingertips.
Running
looking to hide away
to suffer not this pain
 to exhale
to harden this tell tale heart
 cease beating 
for faithless lovers deemed.
Breathe in
breathe out
sweet sorrow rising
 spiraling smoke
curtained twilight
  tears rain.
Reaching out
hands in plaintive plea
tormented by dreams
 carved beneath
ebony charred
 woeful mask.
No lover
no friend
shadowed in corners
 mocking me
hands taken…..withheld
 pushed aside…..
  forever…..
   forgotten.
©March 12/20
Picture via Pinterest

Death’s Desire

The masks I wear
Beneath a face
None see
None realize
Is yet another masque
Fear
Ruler of this domain
Laughter maniacal
Sending chills
Down my back
Birthing
Insanity
Clutching at the bars
The door lockless
Handleless
No escape
Only hell beneath my feet
It is not easy
Day after day
To play this person I am not
Assuring all
Never again will I fall
Never again will I fail
Yet knowing
There is no net beneath my feet
No current upon which to rise
Blood let
Seeps red crimson
Pain is gone
For me at least
Yours is just beginning.

I am sorry

©Feb. 19/20
Picture is my own

Peer Behind the Curtain

*******Preface this is not how I am feeling at all. I was reading another blog this morning when the words written struck a cord. This poem is a result of that. Describing the time leading up to the Kaboom of 2017*****

Look
how can she know
what it feels like
to be trapped
to be ensnared
in sticky strands
black anguish
struggle for freedom.
Look
not at the cover
what is beneath
scarred
cracked
broken
each piece
a little out of line with each other.
Look
see her smile
her joy in life?
Look
peer through black mimosa
see the child sized woman
wracked with doubts
demons
cackling
dancing around
a wicked game of bully be
from which there is no escape.
Look and see
bottles lined up
alcohol
pills
bitter retreat
dulled numbness
run from the past
from memories brutal and true.
Enough tears
enough pain
enough of everything…..
a bottle later
the voice still screams
shaking
unable to see
crying
do not let anyone come near
do not let anyone hear
leave it be
death maybe the only way out.
Look
found
love within self
truth within self
myself 
in the herself I use to be.
©Jan. 28/20
Picture is my own.

I Aver….

****7 Days****
Whispers
Close
A sound unheard
Tremble
Lost
Blackened Demons
Fire set
Burn you at the stake
Diving
Delving
Shredding your brain
With deadly thoughts
Scored with poison
Bitter thorns embed
Tearing fragile flesh
Gnawing tender bones
Sucking emotioned marrow clean
Sunken
Dead eyed
Walking through life a shadow
Ever afraid
To face yourself.
To see the truth.
You are beauty.
You are faith.
You are love.
You my darling 
You are more than enough
Come close
Myself
Broken
Bruised
Place weary head to shoulder
Sleep now
You guarded me well
Rest 
I will guide us 
I will love us
I will live for us
This I promise.
©Dec. 18/19
Picture is my own

Run Baby Run

Rage
black
blistering
volatile
simmers beneath the surface.
Look
see 
feel 
touch
on the outside
calm
serene
never know the nightmares in my mind.
Screaming
words that strike
pierce
eat away
bringing me to my knees
as I grasp my head
digging talons
sharp
destructive into my brain.
Out
out
out
you are not a damn spot
but a leech
feeding off my pain
my dissolution
my heavy heart.
I weep
I strangle
I kill.
Run baby Run
’cause I am going to come.
March 20/19
Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay

Untitled Word of the Day Poem #27

Dense
a bitter taste in the mouth
fog shrouds
unable to see the path at my feet
stumbling over broken flagstones
concrete juts to the sky
what happened here?
Where am I?
Am I lost in a new world
or the old one?
Unable to see 
unable to focus
on what is before me?
Time is ever fluid
moving 
forward
backward
sideways
never knowing what will be born
what era will be relived
only that the fog encompasses me.
Struggling
eyes blinded by darkness
futile 
to see what is before
for that way lays madness.
Do I drop?
Do I curl?
Do I scream to the skies?
Bear witness to my fear
my shriveled husk
chained 
to this black rock you call a heart.
 
March 19/19
Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

Watcher

Silent
stalking shadows
enveloped in blackness
moving through the streets.
Watching
peering
unconcerned with being seen
watcher of the night.
Dancing with the devil
a tune only I can play
mesmerized
candle flame upon the blade.
Leaning over
watching him sleep
breath
knowing
one slice
blood spurting
torment
pain
rage
all gone.
I have his life
held within my hands
making the choice
decision
should I let him live?
Or make him go?
Sept. 26/18
Picture via: https://www.deviantart.com/bassqee/art/Return-of-the-bloody-girl-30-168751140