Shadowed Queen

Upon precipice
toes curled
tipped over edge
beneath
shadow plagued
valley
screams
blooded swords
screaming horses
hoards
clash of armour
rank upon rank
falling
beneath stoned gaze.
Lips curled
venomous tongue
rip
tear
gouge
holes in my soul
slice free my heart
gore
slipping from my fingers
to the floor.
Grotesque
face ravaged
body battered
rage
gathering
step forward
falling into nothing
screaming
flames rushing higher.
Conflagration
sins seared
at my feet
desperate men
at my side
succulent succubus
nevermore
shall we fear.
©March 23/20
Picture via Pinterest

Unnamed Poem #1

finally.
finally i can see
what the world does
when looking at me.
i was lost
now i am found
laughter
bittersweet 
trips from tongue
drunk upon freedom
spin in circles
the sky
it is my limit.
limitless.
limitless I now be
there is nothing
not one damn thing
to stand in front of me
command my desires
free i be 
strong 
true
tigress on the hunt.
stalk the night
prey in sight
low growl
silent glide
never know I am there
until….. 
it is too late.
i am lost no longer.
i am free once more.
jagged nightmare
careful you do not awake
teeth at your throat
claw to heart
i am coming for you
death’s deadly desire.
March 17/20
Picture via Pinterest

Darkness Recedes

***I am not entirely sure what is setting me off but I am having a lot of different emotions roiling around in me. Of late some of my poetry is about reclamation of self and I apologize if the theme seems tedious. I have been thinking a lot about my breakdown at the end of 2017 and that as well has a bearing on my work. I am doing just fine and am in a great space. I do not want anyone to worry.***
Stretching
reaching for the sky
touch my toes
limber.
In the mirror
a woman I see
where once
I turned my eyes
looking
anywhere but there…..
Witch
Ogre
Booger
ugly I thought I was
no good
not worth
anything
to
anyone.
Crawled
mired in hidden rage
addiction sought
choked with sin
I did not want to die.
I did not know how to ask…..
how to say…..
Strength has left me
I need a hand
no longer this path can I walk.
Bleeding inside
torn to shreds
anyone 
please…..
Tides since turned
phoenix newly risen
glorying in my strength
in my abilities
greeting each day
with thoughts of joy
with thoughts of life.
Every year forward
leaves her behind
broken
battered
child that I was.
No longer carrying blackness.
No longer carrying pain.
No longer does living hurt.
Raise my face to the sun
basking in my gloried return.
©Feb. 25/20
Picture via Pinterest

Absolution of Self

Ever sat
deep pit welling inside
blank eyed stare
sunlight does not penetrate
darkness
no less inkier
than the space I am in.
Trembling
black chasm
right beneath my feet
blinded so
by the roaring voices
pushing out all other thoughts
all other sounds.
Falling
arms spread out
let me go
I hate you
it is my turn
it is my time……..
Vicious
lips drawn in rage
I turn back
face to face
I will battle
I will win
I will never
not ever
fall to my knees
chained by the past
from which
I have broken free.
Bowed head
on my knees
shattered
not beaten
not again shackled
trapped in whirling vortex…..
I am free.
I loosed the beast
roar into the night
fly
my fears
my addictions
my hurts
my angers
leave me……
Absolved.
A babe born anew
a canvas
awaiting
awakening
to the beauty within.
©Feb. 24/20
Picture is my own

Ebbing Love

I watch
wondering
wandering
waiting
for slowly
my worth
my truth
my veracity
becoming known
opening myself
to opportunities
while you
well
you may not like what transpires.
Standing tall
no more hiding
no more pretending
I am beauty
I am love
I am creative
I am……
all of the above.
Becoming tired are you?
Annoyed
with my shouting from rooftops
glorying
in self worth
in self awareness
in self love
making me
a woman to beware of.
Always headstrong
I fight
for the things that I want
the future I see
tangible
to the touch
to what I desire.
I am done
waiting
while you waffle
right
wrong
yes
or no?
When you decide
darling do not be surprised
if I am no longer there.
©Feb. 24/20
Picture is my own

Blessings……

So many facets
so many needs
all wrapped up in one package
that defies understanding.
But do I need you to understand
if I am being me?
Babygirl 
sweet
sassy
crawls for Daddy
when made to beg
loves to be cuddled
loves to be held…..
Independent
fiery
take on the world
stand on my own two feet
needing help from no one…..
Mother
strong
loving
teaching right from wrong
watching with delight
as my child grows.
Child
sweet girl
hidden within
she only comes out
when safety is found
most of the time
she does not appear.
Woman
beautiful
emotional
longing for love
longing for companionship
walking this path alone
now and forever more.
How have I integrated 
all these parts of me?
Not easily.
Not without exposing
darkness of self.
Exploring each side.
Exploring each pain.
Each fear
each desire
examined
a lesson
and life goes on…..
I am a better being
for learning myself this way.
©Feb. 2/20
Picture is my own

To Be Counted…..

Twisted
dark gloom
shadows gather in corners
tears shed
become rambling roses
thorns jabbing
blood welling
it has all come again.
Circle upon circle
hell upon hell
looking with desperation
screaming with terror
there is no way out
no steps
no chinks in the wall
stand
looking up
wanting to be there
no here…..
in the depths of misery
in the depths of pain
in the depths of self-hatred.
Body used to tempt
drugs to defend
alcohol to bury the memories
driving myself forward
to forget a past
to forget the tortures I faced.
Falling
falling
falling
heart racing
tears falling
non-stop
cannot see
I only know I need this hurting to stop.
Looking back today
upon the journey I have taken
the road that I am still moving forward on
the emotions I feel
allow myself to feel
accepting help from others
accepting that I am important
accepting that I am worthy of love.
The steps taken
long since 
I have stopped counting.
I continue to move along this life of mine
only now
I can enjoy this trip I am on.
©Feb. 2/20
Picture is my own