5 Things

Finding 5 things I like about myself proved to be easy.

Short sentences that were self explanatory.

Finding 5 things I dislike/want to change about myself is just as easy (I am always looking to grow and learn) proved to be easy.

What was not/is not easy is looking beneath at the reasons. Not one is less then half a page of explanation and thoughts.

One has 3 pages.

It is not an easy task to look too deeply at one’s self but I am.

I just want to be me.

The me I dreamed of when I was a little girl.

A me that I have forgotten, with dreams and desires, wants and needs.

I will find her.

Your Lies have Consequences

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/israel-palestinians-settlers-gaza-1.7186920

Do not tell me you are condemning all violence but do not issue sanctions to all.

Dear Mr. Trudeau;

Stop telling us what you are going to do.

Do it.

Do not tell Canadians you will sanction violence in the Middle East and yet you left  the main instigator and terrorist regime unscathed.

Prove to Canadians and the world that we are better.

Be like Ireland.

As a country we do not support terrorists. Yet you do.

I suppose at a bare minimum I can be happy that millions of dollars from our country’s budget is not being funneled into Israel like our neighbor to the south is doing.

I am disgusted with the hand wringing.

I am disgusted with failed promises.

I am disgusted with the human race.

I am disgusted with myself that my voice is not louder and more consistent.

We live in a world that is so divided it breaks my heart.

We live in a world where greed, money and hatred are the new standards of life.

We live in a world where people think they can say things with impunity and not have anyone respond to them.

Yesterday when getting on board the plane there was an influx of people behind me. I was struggling a bit to put my carry on up and shoved it in. I was going to allow the others to pass me and then fix it.

A gentleman and his wife just seated ahead of me but to the left boarded. He went to put his baggage up and turns to his wife and ‘says someone put a whole damn suitcase up here’.

I quietly looked up at him and said ‘sir I was trying to let people pass me then I was going to fix it.’

He said nothing to me. Pushed his bag in and then struggled to push his wife’s through. He did also turn my bag and  when he did I said ‘thank you sir’. Again he did not respond to me.

I popped up to grab my Kindle from my bag and heard him say to his wife he thought he had broken something in my bag. I knew he had not for everything was stored inside bag but for my kindle and notebooks. However I did not reassure him.

Once upon a time I would never have said anything.

And then as I am waiting for people to move given we were waiting for the platform to attach and door to open my 2nd seat partner says ‘can you move.’ To which I looked at her and responded with I do need to wait for people to move before I can.

Not snarkily.

Not nastily.

Just calmly and truthfully.

Once upon a time I never would have said anything.

Afraid of confrontation.

Afraid what might be said.

But I have come to the conclusion that I am no longer going to allow things to pass unmarked.

Uncommented on.

I am learning how to control myself and respond in a mature and calm manner.

May not always succeed but as I have mentioned before I am a work in progress.

One thing though is if I tell you I am going to do something no matter how hard or distasteful it is I will do it.