Today’s episode of ‘Let’s see if Jay can keep her cool…..’ is brought to you by…..me!
It has been awhile (okay a long time) since I have given an update as to what is going on with me and T.
The end of the year was difficult for T and I. We had a lot of rough mornings, yelling and screaming and that was just me. He ranted and cried and refused to leave the house. We have to find a balance for next year as I am just so unprepared to deal with this. As well, he is going to soon out weigh me so it will be harder to push him out the door. 🙂 The last time we battled, I ended up grabbing him by the back of the neck and frog marching him into the bathroom. Than dragged him out by his arm. All while he screamed ‘stop hurting me, you’re hurting me.’ This lead to a serious discussion on the way to school let me tell you.
Now for braggy mom to come out. T sailed onto Grade 5. With flying colors. My son is a mostly A student with a couple of B’s thrown in there. The subjects that were the lower grades, well not the ones that he found to be all that enjoyable. What I need to enforce this summer is reading so that he will be going into Grade 5 on par with his peers.
Me time, me time! I have been doing awesome. I am happy. I am confident. Yes, no doubt there are days when I have a little let down but they never last long. I am setting goals for myself and although I have yet to begin working on a single one, I have them. Work is going so amazing.
Stepping down absolutely was the best thing that I could have done. I am not the same person at all. The person who worried. Who controlled. Who followed all the rules. She is gone. I am responsible for T and myself. No one else. Nothing else. I am way more relaxed. I am making changes, ones that are good for me. Exercising. Eating well. I am not sure how it could get any better. Well I can but that is a long conversation for another time.
Now let us fast forward to today’s episode on ‘Can Jay keep her cool?’
First Act: Regular customer is getting ready to pay for his groceries. Pays the same way all the time. I told him the total and hit debit and told him to go ahead and insert. He looked at me sheepishly and said: I’m sorry, I stuck it in too early.’ I bit my tongue so hard to keep from laughing out loud.
Second Act: A lady stops in front of the counter. I ask her how I can help her. This is the following conversation.
‘How can I help you today?’
‘I want a ticket.’
‘What type of ticket are you wanting?’
‘A scratch ticket.’
‘What type of scratch ticket?’
‘I guess they are all scratch tickets aren’t they?’
I could only stand and stare at her.
‘I think I will take a crossword because I like words.’
Third Act: Phone is ringing and I answer it. I do my spiel ‘Thank you for calling blah blah blah blah. How may I help you?’
‘I need a price check.’
‘Okay, on what?’
***To save on space and too boring I will give a synopsis.***
The customer had been in our store and made a purchase for her neighbor of cream. Now when she got home, there was no cream. But she paid for it. And the cashier had given her back change. $15-16. I check with the cashier and no, cream was not left behind. Ask customer if she has her receipt and am told no.
‘M’aam, maybe you were not even charged for it.’
‘But I was. I gave her a $20 and she gave me back change. I just need to know the price so I can charge my neighbor.’
‘But you don’t have the cream?’ (Yes I realize none of my business.)
‘But I paid for it and now she needs to pay me back,’
I go and check for her and come back to phone.
‘Good so $4.00 I will charge her.’
She than hung up. Did not even ask me how we were going to fix this. Was so intent on getting her price that the fact she did not have the product seemed to have flown out the window. I would have loved to be a fly on that wall.
‘Yes Doris? You owe me $4.00.’
‘Where’s my cream?’
‘Well it never made it home with me. You still owe me $4.00 though for the cream.’
And so on and so forth. Shaking my head.
Act Four: Answering the phone, giving my spiel and realizing that a) there was no one there and b) the phone had not even rung. Thank goodness I have a great sense of humor with myself and laughed hard.
These are the type of days I have. They make great fodder for the imagination. Today’s though, they were too special to keep to myself. I love talking to people, and while there are those who would prefer to remain silent, the majority like to talk. Which leads me to this gem.
I was checking through a little old lady. She was about 90/92 I believe, she did tell me so that is how I know that it was in the 90’s. We were chatting away and I was explaining to her that sometimes I talk so much (shocker there) that I am not aware of what I am doing.
Case in point: I was chatting away with my customer and trying to scan a product. I kept moving it back and forth and finally looked down to see why I was not getting a beep. Well, it only works when you scan it with the laser, not over the deactivator. The customer and I roared.
By the time I was done, my little old lady was laughing so hard. I handed her back her change and wished her a good day.
She said to me: ‘You are good for my heart and soul. Thank you for making me laugh today.’
And that folks is how I am leaving it. I am good for the heart and soul.
So we had another set to this morning. Oh it was a doozy of all doozies. T actually tired to hit me. Turns out that I can still man handle T and was able to wrap him in a bear hug. Angry angry words were spoken by both myself and the devil spawn of my loins.
The Ex text me this afternoon and asked me what time I wanted devil spawn home on Saturday afternoon. And I said I did not. I wanted to have a me weekend. Apparently when T got home the Ex wanted to know why I did not want him home early. So T told him we had a fight. That he had tried to hit me. And did so because I had tried to break his phone.
Fast forward to T getting home this evening. He comes in and is all I have nothing to drink. I wanna watch t.v. And so on and so forth. I am sitting here, eyebrow cocked looking at him thinking to myself, are you fucking serious? After the way you acted this morning, you are pulling more attitude on me? So guess who decided to be obstinate? Guess who decided that she was going to enter the lions den and goad said lions?
T is whimpering and whining away at me about wanting to watch t.v. and how all he wanted was a good evening. How could I ruin this evening for him? And this was the best one, when was I going into my room so he could have the t.v. I asked him if he thought that he really should have the t.v. to himself. He said well why not? Hmmmmmm I wonder, could it have been your attitude this morning? Could it be that you are still acting like you were a part of the immaculate conception and all should bow down to you? Than I go to the fun part.
I asked him if he told his dad about what had happened this morning? He said yeah. Okay, what did you tell him? Did you tell him that you tried to hit me? Yes, but I told him that you had tried to break my phone. Okay, let me get this straight, you told your dad that you tried to hit me but it was in response to my trying to break your phone? (I slammed it down on the counter in a fit of anger) Yep. So tell me what did your dad say? He said I was never suppose to try and hit you but you are not suppose to slam my phone down either.
I looked at him. He looked at me. I picked up my phone. And asked if I were to text the Ex right now and ask him if he said that I was not to slam the phone down he was going to say that that was true? T starts to hedge about how dad always forgets things remember? So caught him in a lie. Than I asked why he had brought this up with his dad, because I had not.
Deer in the headlights. Gotta say score for parents. Even if we did not discuss this, T got owned.
As I write this, he is shrieking at me. His friend wanted him to play on the Xbox. I said no. He than messages his friend that he is unable to because ‘my mom won’t let me.’ ‘Because you disrespected me!’ ‘He does not need to know that mom.’
‘That is okay buddy because I am sharing it on my blog.’
He is right steamed at me as of this post. Yelled at me that I was no longer allowed to blog about him. I could not share with all those strangers who are going to make fun of him. I could not tell my friends. Why did I want to make him the laughingstock of the world?
Now right there, that made me laugh so hard I cried. As if the world is interested in our little lives. And as for me sharing? Hell I share shit that makes me look like the Guardian of Hell, so putting him out there as the devil’s spawn (and I am not even capitalizing it) is minuscule.
I realize my limitations. I know that there are going to be people horrified that I am blogging about how T and I fought. That I am sharing about how he treats me and how I respond. But you know what, there are moms and dads out there, who think that they are losing their minds because everyone else around them are perfect parents. That they alone have the child(ren) from hell.
Honey you are so not alone. Those who do sit out there and point their fingers at you they are not presenting a real face to the world. Children no matter how sweet they may appear, will show some assholery at some point and time in their lives. And if they truly are the angelic persons that their parents have painted them to be, than the hell spawn will pollute their lines during their tenure as parents.
***No children were harmed during the writing of this post. ***
So this morning, not a good morning for T and me. There was a bit of attitude. There was a bit of a smart mouth. There was a bit of threatening to take away the fishing trip next Thursday and Friday. After all it is my week, I can put my foot down.
Not sure why T thought he could act as he did this morning and there not be any repercussions. I am so tired of it. Tired of cajoling. Tired of threatening. Tired of having to be the mean parent. And that is what I am, the mean parent who puts her foot down so he can become a reasonable adult.
I finally had had enough of it. I was so annoyed with him that I pulled out a line that my own mom used ‘I love you but right now I really do not like you at all.’ He stared at me and said that if I loved him I had to like him too. I assured him that I did not. That I was so sick and tired of listening to him backtalk and be sassy. I deserve to be respected.
When he left for school he gave me a hug and kiss. Told me that he loved me. I locked the door behind him only to have him knock on it a few seconds later. It was cold out and he wanted his sweater. I took the time to adjust his backpack straps and again sent him on his way.
I felt horrible after he left. I do not want to be a bitch all the time. I do not want to always be telling him that he has a smart mouth. That he needs to respect me. I wish and as mom also use to say ‘if wishes were horses beggers would ride’ that it would be easy. But it is never easy raising a child alone. No matter the fact that I have the Ex who is suppose to be helping but he chooses to be a friend more so than a parent. I see that and I know that.
This whole post is suppose to be about laughter. Yet it is more of a dark depressing post.
T and me for the most part, do have a good time together. We laugh a lot. He tells me the corniest jokes ever. And I snort at them while trying not to. He gets my silly sense of humor because his is much like my own. I read him Little Fears when it makes me snort giggle or go pshaw and he chortles along with me.
The picture I chose is from yesterday. He is doing a Fortnite dance for me. Wearing his shorts that had only moments before been pulled up to his armpits. Due to his growth I bought him men’s small on the weekend. And I was giggling away while also trying to maintain a straight face because he was suppose to be getting ready for school. That is what our mornings are suppose to be like. Him telling me stupid jokes and us laughing together.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Banananana Banananana (Every time that he tells me that one I groan and laugh at the same time.)
Today has been one of those days that began with a storm and ended in sunshine. T and I went head to head this morning. Screaming. Crying. I told him to shut up. He tried to hit me. Unsuccessfully before you get up in arms. I easily batted his hands away as he was screaming at me not to touch him. I locked myself in my bedroom. Eventually things settled down.
I am not proud of either of our behaviors. However a friend told me that some times you need to assert your authority. Remind them who the boss is. I had forgotten about that. T apologized to me and our morning ended with my dropping him off at school. And trying to teach him some times tables on the way to school. He did not like my attempts even though I was trying to teach him some short cuts. I told him that in either grade 3 or grade 4 (positive it was grade 3) I use to be sent off to a quiet room off the library to do my times tables. I had some issues learning them as well. I still use short cuts I taught myself when I need to times some numbers.
Went to work intent on talking to my boss about my return to 8 hour shifts May 14th. However he was busy and I did not catch him before my shift started. So I forced him to talk to me on my 15 minute break. That I set my timer for. I wanted to know how he was feeling about me. What he thought and/or felt about my return. What we were planning to do.
He asked me how I felt I was doing. How I was doing. Not how the front was doing but me. And what did I do, I told him everything that I was noticing that was wrong. Again I need to learn how to not do these things. I need to step back and do my job. Just my job. Not manage but interact with the customers. Talk with people. I am uncertain if I should go and mention that I realize my error in listing out what I was seeing or if I should leave it alone.
We decided that I am going to work Customer Service and Cashier until the end of June. During this time I am going to decide whether or not I want to remain the Lead Supervisor. If I want to step down and be a supervisor. Or completely remove myself from the supervisory responsibility altogether and become full time Customer Service/Cashier. Still at same wage. Still with same benefits. Still with 40 hours a week. And no responsibility. None. Other than to come in and do my job.
While talking with my friend, I listed out all the pros. This here is the largest one, even though I have gone back to work my creative juices have been flowing. I am having ideas galore, some are funny, some are dark, but they are there. I have begun working on my first collection of short stories and poetry. I am excited. Last night I did not want to go to bed at 10 p.m. because I wanted to be writing. I woke up at 4 and thought about getting up to write but I had been in the middle of a great dream and decided that I wanted to try and recapture it.
Tonight I have had two ideas pop up and a third in play. My first batch is a little dark, okay a lot dark and warped. My comedic ideas are totally lighter. I think that once I get some of this darkness out of me, I will settle into a balance. This is the joy of writing short stories, I can write about everything and anything.
My evening has been good. I did not turn on the t.v. until around 6. I was home at 2. Although I did not do a full work out I did do my toning exercises. Supper was pork tenderloin sliced thin, 4 slices of cheese toast and salad. I was famished. As I was cooking I realized/spotted the above item on the floor. I picked it up and was about to throw it away when I realized what it was.
I had bought T a 6 pack of Powerade. It is one of the rings that hold the 6 together. He snipped it so that when it went into the garbage and eventually made it to the dump, that no animals could get tangled up in it. So I must be doing something right.
Okay, now I am so embarrassed. I was asking T where he had learned to cut the loops so as to save the animals. And he looks at me like I have grown 2 horns. Has no idea what I am talking about. I explain to him how birds can get tangled in them, smaller animals etc. He is shaking his head. So I ask why he is cutting the loops. So he can get the drink out. I could only stare at him. I told him I had been bragging about him all over the place. And now alas, I am wrong about his motives. Where oh where did I go wrong? (JK)