Charred Existence

Pitter patter
I can hear
behind me
subtle shift
one pebble to another
 sharp response
building
 tangible darkness
bleeds from my fingertips.
Running
looking to hide away
to suffer not this pain
 to exhale
to harden this tell tale heart
 cease beating 
for faithless lovers deemed.
Breathe in
breathe out
sweet sorrow rising
 spiraling smoke
curtained twilight
  tears rain.
Reaching out
hands in plaintive plea
tormented by dreams
 carved beneath
ebony charred
 woeful mask.
No lover
no friend
shadowed in corners
 mocking me
hands taken…..withheld
 pushed aside…..
  forever…..
   forgotten.
©March 12/20
Picture via Pinterest

Shadowed Love

***Please note that this poem deals with Stalking/Death which may be a trigger. Please read with caution.****
Tick tock
do you hear the clock?
I am coming for you.
Here
now
forever more.
Hide.
Run.
I will always find you hun.
Together
we will be one
as the gods have ordained
I read it in the bible
come to me
let us play one on one.
Upon the altar you lay
beautiful girl
draped in white
a bride of the night
Do not cry
shed no tears
I promise dear
the knives won’t hurt.
Draw
pierce
your screams
dulcet tones in my ears
trembling threads
blood red
your eyes become vacant.
Once upon a time
what I felt was called limerence
today
they will call it stalking
undesired attention
unwanted attraction.
Alas my love
everything could have been alright
if only you had cared.
©March 4/20
Picture via Pinterest

Darkness Recedes

***I am not entirely sure what is setting me off but I am having a lot of different emotions roiling around in me. Of late some of my poetry is about reclamation of self and I apologize if the theme seems tedious. I have been thinking a lot about my breakdown at the end of 2017 and that as well has a bearing on my work. I am doing just fine and am in a great space. I do not want anyone to worry.***
Stretching
reaching for the sky
touch my toes
limber.
In the mirror
a woman I see
where once
I turned my eyes
looking
anywhere but there…..
Witch
Ogre
Booger
ugly I thought I was
no good
not worth
anything
to
anyone.
Crawled
mired in hidden rage
addiction sought
choked with sin
I did not want to die.
I did not know how to ask…..
how to say…..
Strength has left me
I need a hand
no longer this path can I walk.
Bleeding inside
torn to shreds
anyone 
please…..
Tides since turned
phoenix newly risen
glorying in my strength
in my abilities
greeting each day
with thoughts of joy
with thoughts of life.
Every year forward
leaves her behind
broken
battered
child that I was.
No longer carrying blackness.
No longer carrying pain.
No longer does living hurt.
Raise my face to the sun
basking in my gloried return.
©Feb. 25/20
Picture via Pinterest

Absolution of Self

Ever sat
deep pit welling inside
blank eyed stare
sunlight does not penetrate
darkness
no less inkier
than the space I am in.
Trembling
black chasm
right beneath my feet
blinded so
by the roaring voices
pushing out all other thoughts
all other sounds.
Falling
arms spread out
let me go
I hate you
it is my turn
it is my time……..
Vicious
lips drawn in rage
I turn back
face to face
I will battle
I will win
I will never
not ever
fall to my knees
chained by the past
from which
I have broken free.
Bowed head
on my knees
shattered
not beaten
not again shackled
trapped in whirling vortex…..
I am free.
I loosed the beast
roar into the night
fly
my fears
my addictions
my hurts
my angers
leave me……
Absolved.
A babe born anew
a canvas
awaiting
awakening
to the beauty within.
©Feb. 24/20
Picture is my own

Queenly Insanity

Thrown to the wolves
left to fend
for self
for child
thought to die
laughed as snow began to fall
revenge sought
retribution done
requital I swore
even as I fell to my knees.
I crawled.
I wept.
I thought to freeze to death.
No…..
I would not let you win.
I would not let you crown
another in my place
in my space
she…..
two faced whore.
I strove
pulling self to feet
courage
rage
kept me moving
as thunder roared
heart beating.
always have been
it would behoove you
to remember.
For come I will
in dead of night
pay the toll dear
will you and she
while I sit above
watching you bleed.
©Feb. 23/20
Picture via Pinterest

Expunged Love

Eyes
bruised grey
hair lank
dead
detached
when…..
who….. 
what….. 
is coming for me?
Nowhere to run.
I wait.
Heartbeat count
fevered brow to pane
it has been ordained
they will collect me.
I care not.
Frost.
Black heart
wreathed
iced
encased
fingers etched glacier blue
cold.
Throw the bitch a bone
I heard your guttural voice
Nothing more
Nothing less
She deserves…..
I forgot your twisted side.
I forgot your hate.
I forgot just what it meant to be
the one who jilted the King.
©Feb. 22/20
Picture via Pinterst

Word of the Day Challenge #87-Untitled Poem

This is not in any way shape or form of how I am feeling now.

Black
welling to the surface
vicious
tying me in place
fear holding me
I want to come back
I want to be me
not this wraith you see.
In my mind
a vacuum
roiling
memories
painted scarlet with terror
recalling
half remembered dreams.
Or are they dreams?
Lost
moving listlessly
path before
shrinking
smaller and smaller
head down
I cannot find the sun
I cannot find the warmth
I reach for.
deadly in its recurrence
tearing me down
to the ground
driving me to perfection
if only so I am still useful
so people will still like me.

Cyclical depression can become.
Voices…..
sounding so like your own
chiding
tearing
roaring all your wrongs.
There really is no escape.
There really is no hope.
All I can do is carry on
smile upon my lips
fear upon my heart.
See not my pain…..
See not my terror…..
see only…..
the facade I show.
©Feb. 19/20
Picture is my own