Depression 1

***Pic via Pintrest***

Am not sure why but I feel as though I need to share this. I am in a really good place right now with my medication and having stopped drinking. I use my blue light daily which helps as well as taking my vitamin D. This was the start of my ‘crash’ as I call it in 2014. It is the one and only time that my depression sunk its claws so deeply into me that I needed time off to confront my demons. And confront them I did. This began a journey that ended up with where I am today and the road still unfurls before me.

Jay-lyn December 3/17

Silence spins out like a golden thread,
spider silk.
Distance no longer about space but emotion,
fears and desire combine to hold your hopes together…..
and you watch, and you wait to see if it will crumble.
Living at the seaside in a house made of sand,
a moat keeping the tide from attacking at the banks,
eating away.
Water creeps closer and closer and still you wait….
hoping that dreams can still come true?
Atop the tower, watching the beast ravage the man
a forest of wickedness and lies,
black truths.
Protect and keep your faith nigh….
what the hell is going on?
Waking every morning,
a scream upon your face.
Smitten with the devil who tortures you all night.
How did you get here?
Do you really care….
so long as the peace has been written.
July 23/14

 

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Grim Reaper

The Grim Reaper we fear

creeping through the night

phantom of our dreams.

He is not the one

we should watch for,

no,

but the predator on the streets….

He stalks and whirls

encased in black

shadows are his home.

Creeping and crawling

into our hearts

bleeding dry our bones.

Living on our fears and hatred

gorging on all our despair.

He mocks and sidles

not even trying to repair

but dividing and punishing

all the good people here.

Believing he is a demi-god

master of all

bowing to no one.

Captain of his fallacy

chartering a path to he’ll

to confront the Grim Reaper

and challenge him for his crown.

Jay-lyn Doerksen

©Dec. 1/17

Jester’s Bride

The little bell jingles and jangles
hissing an alert
‘here he comes’
‘here he comes’
all bow to The Jester.
I see before me tattered lace,
my beloved is trying to outrun me
when will she learn that I am her master,
her commander,
the love of her life?
These little torments
slicing away at her life
her heart
her soul……
They will strip her of her sanity
cloaking her in my wedding clothes,
and she will forever more be mine.
Ruling together on golden thrones
her shackles will be diamond encrusted
her clothing the best tattered silks
her mind little more than a game I play.
Never mind the hollow eyes
the grayish lackluster smile
this love of mine adores me
and will some day bear mine child.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
Nov. 30/17
***I found the artwork via Pintrest on the internet. Artist’s name is David Ksomthing something. I am sorry I don’t have full name. I like his work.***

The Jester’s Bride

Twisting and turning, the garden path swirls about.
Lost within the leafy maze
unsure whether those statues are moving
or if it is shadows playing tricks?
I can hear the baying of the hounds
and wonder, can they be for me?
I escaped from the prison of my mind
fighting my way back
from the depths of the madness
only to discover that there is no way out.
I whirl around, fear tangent in the air
my breath comes in brisk gasps
fear reaching out with blackened limbs
ready to encircle,
to entwine,
to capture me and pull me back.
Twisting and turning, the garden path swirls
and the Jester roars.
His laughter savage
as I am pinned,
beneath his silvered gaze.
There will be no freedom,
no relief
only a soul mired in anguish
the Jester’s bride,
captured and maddened,
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
Nov. 29/17

Resist

Time and again

I have wished upon falling stars

closed my eyes and wished on dandelions.

I have wished at each birthday 

for the exact same thing,

a chance to stand at your side.

I fought this ride of emotion

tried to turn from the stallion

but he nuzzled my neck

until I could not say good-bye.

I hold your memory close by

a secret that I hoard

unable to share with anyone

this festering pain.

I dig deep within my chest

ripping free my shredded heart.

I resist your claim to me 

I resist the dreams you have given me.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

November 28/17

The Banshee’s Lament

A soft steady chant

a whispering whine

begins a slow waltz

erupting as the screams begin;

The Banshee’s lament.

Plucking at coiled hair

tears tracking down soiled cheeks

I can hear the soundless tune

that she has wept

for centuries

announcing our very own deaths.

Time and time eternal

we have tried to outrun

this family’s inheritance

of a crone sitting in the willow chair

keening and wailing

calling out souls to rest.

The Banshee’s Lament

a tale from the old country

brought forth in the new.

The song so seductive

blood falls apace

as I lay at her feet

my death to commence.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

 November 26/17