I feel like my tears are a show of weakness.
I feel like my inability to control my emotions shows me how unstable I am.
I want to walk through life
Not immune to the cruelties
Not blind to the atrocities played out
But closed from the terror of my own heart.
From the pain that still cripples it.
From the battering it has taken.
Family.
Love.
Life.
I am not complaining.
I just do not want to hurt any more.
I do not want my heart to feel hope.
I do not want to look for care.
I do not want to look for love.
For too long I bared heart
And soul
Upon this tapestry of my life
Woven between fingers blooded
Threads digging
Criss crossing
My wrists
Tethering me to the loom.
I succumb to the darkness.
Allowing it to wrap me in its warmth.
Gentle arms I have felt before.
A grim memory.
A grim lover.
One of bleak comfort.
For now I feel no more.
©March 20/24