Tears escape
traveling over pale cheeks
lost within this
yet unable to discern why?
Days have been good.
Very very good.
When I feel like this,
unable to exercise
I begin to fear.
Fear that after all my hard work
I am falling
back to the beginnng of my time.
That this lovely dream
that I have built
is exactly that,
a dream that I will awaken from.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
March 15/17

Learning to Care

I am proud of me
in a non-egotistical way.
Not proud of my abilities
nor of my talents.
What I am most proud of
is how far I have come.
Where once I could not imagine the end of the day
where once I thought that I had no strength
that forever more I would be a poor wretch
stalking through the dark thoughts
trying to find the exit.
Yet I have seen the exit
burning bright in the distance
and every day,
it comes closer.
Truely there is no exit from depression
but there is recovery
there is relief.
I will learn to live in the moment
to live each day to its fullest.
I will learn to manage my sad days
so that they do not overwhelm me.
I will reach out to those who support me
when I need to feel comfort.
Most of all though,
I forgive myself,
I love myself
and from now on, I will take care of myself.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
Feb. 20/18


Haunted kisses
moonlit eyes of wonder
trembling caresses
a virgin ripe for the taking.
Offered to the gods
forsaken by her people
left to wander lifeless vistas
as though she is the criminal
the one found to be lacking.
Terror and delight
should not,
could not
co-exist together
in one person
at all times.
But that is what she does.
A contradiction
from every angle
to becoming
every man’s angel.
Jay-lyn Doerksen
Feb. 16/18

Madness Refused

***Picture downloaded from Facebook. Work is credited to @treeowl
Tis madness that has grappled my mind
wrestling to submission
the good
the wonder of life
to a black void of nothingness.
Wrapping me in black strands of goo
sticky holding tight
the evil
the abuse I survived
will not chain my mind for long.
Gasping in great breaths of air
crystal clear,
crisp in my lungs
expel the tar
that sinks in,
like an anchor
on my soul.
Rip free from the cocoon
that has stifled my voice
hidden it
refused it
for oh so long;
and on trembling wings
spattered with paint
from all spectrums of color
I will soar above
reclaiming myself once more.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
Feb. 9/18


When all I feel is numb inside
is that when the rebuilding begins?
When finally it will all fall into place
and no longer will I be
such a lost little girl.
To where once more
I can soar through azure skies
cresting vibrant mountains
and thrashing seas?
To the pirates who keep me safe
the knave who thought I had to be locked up
in a cell
for my own protection?
The numbness must be a prelude
to the emotions once more returning
to laughter and joy
having the upper hand in this life.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
Febuary 8/18


Within my mind
there resides a voice
it is mine of course.
Every so often it sings its song
and I must listen.
Danger, Danger, Danger
Strength,Strength, Strength
flying at me
swirling around me
making me stumble and fall.
Each of these voices
they are me,
they are mine,
splintered in three.
I wish that they would stop
they would leave me alone
because this new nightmare?
I am not sure
how much more I can take of it.
I am crumbling before you
slowly collapsing into a pile of dust
the fear and venom
bled from my veins.
I will arise
like the phoenix
from the ashes of that girl, that woman
soaring free
taking my place finally
in my own history.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
 Feb. 1/18


I spoke my truth
while you hid behind lies
tormenting and making me doubt
that I was right.
How could you harm
one you were suppose to protect?
How could you destroy
the woman that I was meant to be?
I have spent years in denial
no, not denial
repression and as my brain awakens
the horror flows through
as once more you destroy my life.
But I am stronger than you
I am better than you
I will no longer succumb to you
and your terror.
I stand on a mountain top
breathing in crystal clear air
this is my mecca 
this is my starting point
this is where my real life begins.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
January 31/18