Pained Expression

Startling
glaring
snow diamonds
glitter
under milky moon
air so cold
breath hangs
frozen
crystal for a moment
before fading away.
Standing
watching
shadows creep
wailing winds
skeletal branches reach skyward
mournful melody
wolf’s howl
eerie counterpoint.
Stepping
one foot
other to follow
stray path
forked roads
I go
looking
not for riches
not for love
nor desire
I look for self
one lost
unto childhood
pain
memories
addiction
on goes the wretched list.
I am not proud
part of me though they are.
Today I try to compose
fragmented soul
one whole
girl
woman
Queen
I will become
never again to kneel.
©July 13/20
Picture via Pinterest

Directory of Pain

***This poem portrays a very bleak vision of myself. While I do have a constant mental health checklist I am going over every so often I wonder if I am fooling myself. I am not anywhere near the darkness portrayed in this poem.***

Peering
nose pressed to mirror
eyes darting
checking
evaluating.
Lackluster smile
tired from being on
day in
day out
cheerleader for all
no one to cheer me.
Lines etched
creased
no longer smile
frown
pursed lips
unhappy
pressing closer
looking for
trying to find
the girl
the one I was before.
Listening
intently
is that a whisper
chirp of bitter voice
striving to return
tears seep
am I going insane?
am I already there?
Check list
one…..
two…..
three…..
seem to pass
yet it is there
niggling worry
depression riding blackened cloud
ready to attach itself
bleed my beating heart
returning me to desolation
to despair…..
do you hear it too?
©July 7/20
Picture is my own