Scars

My story can be told
by the seams
scar tissue
wrapped around both wrists.
The first time
I could find no release
silent screams
tearing from a broken body.
It was easier to bleed
than give voice to the fear
the cause
the betrayal.
It became second nature
pain
alleviated by blood
dripping
scoring the floor beneath.
One day I will go to far.
What will they think
peering into this closet
a nest of rags
broken toys
a childhood long forgotten.
To find the blades I pilfered
some rusted through.
Each tells a tale
of pain
fear
abuse
eyes wide open
everyone else blinded
what does a girl do?
Not this time
my heart still beats on.
My anguish
grey mimosa
none shall see
the tears that I weep.
November 15/18
Advertisements

Massacre

I hate you.
Seriously hate you.
As I sit in my my car
weeping
screaming inside my head
for you to shut the fuck up!
I cannot take it
not much longer
why can I not be allowed
this happiness?
Why must you dig in
claws crooked
shredding
tearing
massacring
me?
Locked within these black walls
cavernous
lost
scared to move
tentative steps
hands stretched out
afraid of what is in front of me.
Hear the scrabble
tiny claws
skittering towards me
giggles
echo around me
nails on a chalkboard.
Surrounded
tiny imps
all wearing my face
pointing
ascending
digging beneath my skin
ripping at my heart
until
there is nothing left.
Just me
staring blankly at these four walls
entrapped in insanity.
November 14/18

Untitled Poem #6

I am not sure that I understand.
Once you muttered a cryptic statement
never explored
never explained
swept under the carpet
as you have done to me.
Rip my tongue out
slander my name
form a wall
stalwart til the very end.
One did know
protect me she could not
tears checked
lashing out
wonder why I am so angry?
Failed.
Tortured.
Can you even see?
These memories….
I desire not
peck away
at my consciousness.
Blinded
blinkered
beclouded
shout out with fear:
‘never ever
should one believe’….
for those words
spit
sigh
slash
the name of her abuser
who will be burned in effigy.
Nov. 7/18
Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

Untitled Poem #5

A voice
barely a whisper
coming down the line
begging for help
for me to come find her
take her away from the world
she has fallen into.
Angry words
violent outbursts
who was this child before me?
Not mine.
My princess could never have become
a gutter rat
lost in drugs
in desperation
to ease the pain of her past.
I should have been more open
maybe she would have trusted me than
but I chose not to see
not to hear
tears
accusations I could not control.
Walking up the creaking stairs
afraid
what will I find at the top?
Dingy walls
tar streaked
stale smoke permeating the air
I find the door
slight ajar
am not sure I want to know more.
Pushing it open
confronted with……
a face frozen in agony
body wasted
from drugs
abused by men
blood drips
droplets falling from her fingertips
to the floor.
This is my child
who I neglected
drove away
and now
she is nothing but a corpse.
I gather her tiny body
so weightless
against my chest
just as when she was born.
Tears
scalding
fall to her pallid face
as for one more time
I rock my baby
regretting
my pride
my certainty
that I was right.
There has been no winner here
no lessons learned
only pain
crippling
devastating
latching
hooking
into me.
November 6/18
Photo by Nathan Wright on Unsplash

Untitled Poem

I hear you.
Voices
whispering in my ear
taunting
disturbing
the aura
surrounding me.
Vicious.
I cringe
tongue lashing
striking
finding chinks in the armor.
I try so hard
not to scream in defeat.
Nails
talons
hook my soul
pulling forth
wraiths
dancing with the devil
tears shatter on my cheeks.
Bereaved
on my knees
unable to forget
head bent
submission
why oh god
why
can I not obliterate
the memories that I carry.
Prostrate
I lay upon the alter
blooded laments
anger stirring
rage
consuming.
Wanting nothing more
than to dismiss….
fear
pain
doubt
conjuring….
strength
time
belief.
I struggle to my knees.
Supplicant
hands raised
forehead bent
touching the cobbles
I cannot abate
let loose
fall free
of the person I am to be.
November 3/18
Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

Badass Jane-I tried to protect (I failed)

***Story Poem. Previous Links to poems in order of story.
Raising my weary head.
Wary
beaten
there is no way that I can go on.
I have failed
unable to protect
myself
or Plain Jane.
Would they have listened?
Would they have heard?
The tale of a small child
brutalized
beaten
raped
taken in turn
by those animalistic men.
I am sorry that I failed
Jane dear
tears seeping
dripping from my chin
lips quivering
I cannot go on.
We stand for the Judge’s entrance
I see my chance to go
I leap across
grab the gun
turn to face the crowd.
I knew what was going to happen
I knew it is going to hurt
but I am tired
I need to lay down my head.
Raising the gun
I point at the men
all of whom had drawn.
When shouts were ignored
I am peppered with shots
as I dropped to the floor.
Sept. 7/18
***This is 2nd to last poem in this series. Please read previous posts to fully experience this point of view. 🙂

Plain Jane-Broken Down

***Continuation of Story poem. Previous poems are in order here:
She did it to me again.
Always
with the leaving me entrails
destruction
things I must clean up.
I am the one pummeled
cold baths
shock therapy
increased drugs
increased watching of the patient
never allowing me a chance
to unfold.
If I am locked like this
drugs
cuffs
complacent
how ever will she reappear?
Until court
when I must answer for bloodshed
for death
that I did not cause
I will be sedated.
Badass Jane
she is writhing on the leash
wanting to come out
to play
to protect
to get her revenge.
Sept. 7/18