20/20

Looking back
it is easy to see
as they say
hindsight is 20/20.
I delighted in fire
flame
burning debris
still wonder
how I did not burn that place down?
Vicious words
pelting down
tearing
rending
piercing
exposed flesh.
I need time
time to adjust
to come to terms
with yet another aspect
of my past
my history.
Rage
inferior
tagged to be little
never was I important enough.
Looking back
I can finally see
veil torn from my eyes
the monster before me.
There was no love.
There was no pride in me.
I was superfluous
an afterthought
a child weaned on fear
disgrace
disregard
left to herself
her own care.
Heart torn
rent
beaten flat
left to defend
shield
armor myself
for yet another blow
another hit
another hurricane
blowing me apart.
Sept. 25/18
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Safe Haven

It has been said
more than once
that getting to know me
understand me
see beyond me
is a challenging feat.
I seal my lips
asking question
after question
so I need not answer yours.
I fear to open up
panic to think
I must let anyone in
for should they realize
the darkness
the terror
the pain
that I keep buried inside
they weill cease to love me.
How can that be?
People who are meant to love me
have walked away
ran
from me
when the dark came out to play.
leaving me bereft
alone
disheartened.
although with you
I am beginning….
to talk
to share
to show my depth
for within you
within your arms
I have found a safe haven.
Sept. 24/18
Photo by Evgeniy Koryakin on Unsplash

Promises

Eyes weeping blood
face shrouded in pain
lips twisted with broken desires
her back bent again.
He promises each time
that it will be his last
sobbing
grasping
hugging her around the waist.
She strokes his head
whispers soft assurances
knowing
fearing
that it will happen again.
No matter how obsequious
no matter if dinner is made
his whisky in hand
as she waits at the door.
The fist will lash
cracking bones
the boots will strike
head bouncing off the floor.
Still she waits
she fears
for should she leave
he will hunt her down
killing her for real this time.
Sept. 23/18
Photo by Chau Luong on Unsplash

My Fault

I first saw him
standing along the shoreline
quiet contemplation
handsome brow
lean physique.
I slowly walked by
furtitive glances from beneath my lashes
wondering if he noticed me
at all?
I found the courage
the ability to say hello
though my voice cracked
my hands trembled
I stuttered over my tongue.
We talked
listened
heard the stories
each had to tell
so smart
intelligent
caring
he had me fooled.
Waters painted golden
blood red
by the setting sun
he turned to me
tender smile….
pushing me back
he ripped my clothing
telling me it was all my fault.
With tears on my cheeks
I stared beyond his heaving shoulder
my infatuation destroyed
savaged
murdered
as the misdeed went on.
Sept. 20/18
Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Assassin

‘Forgive me father
for I have sinned.
It has been 
well never
since my last confession.’
I stood within the cavernous opening
rock hewn
trendles of mist reaching out
with flame in hand
knowing I had to enter.
Prone before the crystal altar
his mouth moving
in silent prayer
lay a man dressed in priestly garb
though I knew
a religous man he was not.
Lashed upon the cross on high
a boy
a child
an innocent
being offered up
sacrificed
slaughtered
to appease some broken diety.
My step is light
I silently unsheath my sword
pressing it to my lips
a sign of secrecy
so the boy does not scream.
His last breath hissed free
blood
soaked within the stones beneath him
while I stand over top
a malicious smile on my face.
I am exemplary.
I do my job well.
Assassin down the ages
striking
slaying
the rabid vultures
who prey upon our innocents.
Sept. 19/18
Photo by Lê Tân on Unsplash

My Knight

***This is a continuation of This poem is a continuation from River StyxDesert Red and Waste/Safe Land and Harlequin.
My mind in tatters
no longer content
I suffer at the hands
the feet
the vile wit
of Harlequin.
Fettered
handcuffed
shackled
I am merely a toy
a vain prop
to make a mad man appear sane.
None talk to me
none will come to my aid
I sit alone
dirty
scared
invisible to all that prance before the chief.
Sure that I was forever entrapped
slowly going insane
my knight in shining armor
he finally appeared.
Harlequin tried to protest
to gloss over
the horrors he had done.
The Knight
unsheathed his sword
shattered my chain in one swift blow.
Turning
his sword made a graceful arc
as he beheaded Harlequin
while I cried
cheering at his death.
Sept. 17/18
Photo by Henry Hustava on Unsplash

River Styx

Awakening
slowly
unsure
where I am
how I got to be here
why am I on a boat?
I sit up
silent
wary
watching the river glide by
or is it I that is gliding?
Behind me
silent
grim
poles Charon….
I know exactly where I am
yet how did I get here?
No memories
no hatred
no pain
wait no pain?
Where has the fear
the anguish
the terror gone?
Replaced by a sense of…..
peace.
The jetty
abuts the riparion
I gingerly step out
wondering
where I am suppose to go?
I turn to ask
but Charon is gone
leaving me alone
upon the River Styx
awaIting the next guardian
who will help me
to move forward.
Sept. 12/18
Photo by LEBORSKI PROJECT on Unsplash