Anxiety

How do I explain?
How do I make you understand
what it means
when anxiety’s talons grip my soul
my heart
turning my mind against me.
Everything I know to be true
suddenly become lies
gnawing at me
eroding my self-confidence
for anxiety has a way
a way of making
taking
breaking
so I have no control.
All I need is the small stroking
of my mind.
There is a voice.
Insidious.
You will never understand
for it is my voice
repeating
whispering
snide remarks
that no one cares for me.
I need to be comforted
held
confirmed
to assuage the blackness within.
Anxiety.
Unless you have felt it
unless it has wrapped cold arms
wicked legs
winded its black way
through your body mass
until no longer do you know
which voice is true.
Anxiety.
Colors my world black
bony fingers snatching my soul
as I try so hard
not to let anyone see.
Sept. 30/18
Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash
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Princess

It was a magical dress
burgandy
fitted
flared
made me feel like a million bucks.
When I entered the room
thought
omg this is how Cinderella felt
as everyone stared at me.
I am not the prettiest girl.
I am not the smallest girl.
Today though
with make up and hair
professionally done
I look stunning.
My date
he arrived
eyes popping out of his head.
That was all
the best compliment
I need nothing more
for tonight
I am a princess.
Sept. 29/18
Photo by Javier Reyes on Unsplash

High Rent Girl

You be thinking….
thinking
you a high rent girl
waiting for a sugar daddy
or just a daddy
to pay your bills.
You spend your time
your money
on looking ferocious
ignoring those who need care…..
because to dance a dance
to catch a mate
or rather a protector
bill payer
just another man to milk.
You strut
saunter
think that you look hot
but darlin’ please
you look like a silly twat.
Be thinking you a high rent girl
that any man would be lucky to have you.
Honey hate to burst that bubble
you ain’t no high rent girl
only a low rent bitch.
Sept. 28/18
Photo by Mikail Duran on Unsplash

Holiday

Striding along
no fear of the world
moving through crowds
cowl shaped
unseen
dancing in the sun.
Holidays are short and sweet
actually rarely taken
so the decision to make a day
moving through masses of humanity
ignoring
the violence
the hatred
the damaged souls
concentrating on the sun
sand
clean smell of the beach air.
Death strolls along
scythe in hand
sand between his toes
robe to be discarded
when he finds a place to laze his bones.
Sept. 28/19

Dance Master

Brutally twisted
demented
dark
broken
standing upon the precipice
ready to dive
fly
soar
through the gates of hell.
No longer an innocent child
no longer able to fan the flames
I conceive
realize
see
what must be done.
Stalking through shaded halls
cat o’nine in hand
salacious smile on carmine lips
many are the games
a woman like me can devise
play
win
I am always on top.
The Devil and me
an alliance was made
he to study the blackness
the hatred
the vicious nature in my blood
and me?
I have a labratory of broken men
all who dance to my tune
with shrill screams
as I take out my pain.
Sept. 27/18

Watcher

Silent
stalking shadows
enveloped in blackness
moving through the streets.
Watching
peering
unconcerned with being seen
watcher of the night.
Dancing with the devil
a tune only I can play
mesmerized
candle flame upon the blade.
Leaning over
watching him sleep
breath
knowing
one slice
blood spurting
torment
pain
rage
all gone.
I have his life
held within my hands
making the choice
decision
should I let him live?
Or make him go?
Sept. 26/18
Picture via: https://www.deviantart.com/bassqee/art/Return-of-the-bloody-girl-30-168751140

20/20

Looking back
it is easy to see
as they say
hindsight is 20/20.
I delighted in fire
flame
burning debris
still wonder
how I did not burn that place down?
Vicious words
pelting down
tearing
rending
piercing
exposed flesh.
I need time
time to adjust
to come to terms
with yet another aspect
of my past
my history.
Rage
inferior
tagged to be little
never was I important enough.
Looking back
I can finally see
veil torn from my eyes
the monster before me.
There was no love.
There was no pride in me.
I was superfluous
an afterthought
a child weaned on fear
disgrace
disregard
left to herself
her own care.
Heart torn
rent
beaten flat
left to defend
shield
armor myself
for yet another blow
another hit
another hurricane
blowing me apart.
Sept. 25/18