Lost

It pains me to say this.

It pains me…..to admit this…..

I miss you.

I miss waking in the middle of the night

your arms around me

holding me tight

chasing away the nightmares

the monsters 

that rip through my heart.

Demons

dancing through the glades

tripping through the tulips

raping

destroying

plunder

all that is mine.

Glass shards

dig into my knees

platitudes I mouth

forgiveness I need

penitent I am…..

my fault

my passion

my need…..

to…..

make you feel?

Never did I feel safer

than awakening

held in your arms

pulled close

fear chased.

I need you.

I am sorry

I cannot leave you be.

Tears

leak from the corners of my eyes

blurred vision

what is it

about you

about me

that we cannot let go.

Oh wait

maybe it is me who cannot let go

maybe I am the stalker

you the deer.

I do not know. 

I am afraid I am the freak

that you

the one who fears

what I might do.

Blade drawn

macabre smile

twists my face

must accept darlin’

you have lost…..

we are lost…..

April 3/19

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay