Death’s Desire

The masks I wear
Beneath a face
None see
None realize
Is yet another masque
Fear
Ruler of this domain
Laughter maniacal
Sending chills
Down my back
Birthing
Insanity
Clutching at the bars
The door lockless
Handleless
No escape
Only hell beneath my feet
It is not easy
Day after day
To play this person I am not
Assuring all
Never again will I fall
Never again will I fail
Yet knowing
There is no net beneath my feet
No current upon which to rise
Blood let
Seeps red crimson
Pain is gone
For me at least
Yours is just beginning.

I am sorry

©Feb. 19/20
Picture is my own

Word of the Day Challenge #87-Untitled Poem

This is not in any way shape or form of how I am feeling now.

Black

welling to the surface

vicious

tying me in place

fear holding me

I want to come back

I want to be me

not this wraith you see.

In my mind

a vacuum

roiling

memories

painted scarlet with terror

recalling

half remembered dreams.

Or are they dreams?

Lost

moving listlessly

path before

shrinking

smaller and smaller

head down

I cannot find the sun

I cannot find the warmth

I reach for.

A cycle

deadly in its recurrence

tearing me down

to the ground

driving me to perfection

if only so I am still useful

so people will still like me.

---

Cyclical depression can become.

Voices…..

sounding so like your own

chiding

tearing

roaring all your wrongs.

There really is no escape.

There really is no hope.

All I can do is carry on

smile upon my lips

fear upon my heart.

See not my pain…..

See not my terror…..

see only…..

the facade I show.

©Feb. 19/20

Picture is my own