To Be Counted…..

Twisted

dark gloom

shadows gather in corners

tears shed

become rambling roses

thorns jabbing

blood welling

it has all come again.

Circle upon circle

hell upon hell

looking with desperation

screaming with terror

there is no way out

no steps

no chinks in the wall

stand

looking up

wanting to be there

no here…..

in the depths of misery

in the depths of pain

in the depths of self-hatred.

Body used to tempt

drugs to defend

alcohol to bury the memories

driving myself forward

to forget a past

to forget the tortures I faced.

Falling

falling

falling

heart racing

tears falling

non-stop

cannot see

I only know I need this hurting to stop.

Looking back today

upon the journey I have taken

the road that I am still moving forward on

the emotions I feel

allow myself to feel

accepting help from others

accepting that I am important

accepting that I am worthy of love.

The steps taken

long since 

I have stopped counting.

I continue to move along this life of mine

only now

I can enjoy this trip I am on.

©Feb. 2/20

Picture is my own