Darkness Recedes

***I am not entirely sure what is setting me off but I am having a lot of different emotions roiling around in me. Of late some of my poetry is about reclamation of self and I apologize if the theme seems tedious. I have been thinking a lot about my breakdown at the end of 2017 and that as well has a bearing on my work. I am doing just fine and am in a great space. I do not want anyone to worry.***
Stretching
reaching for the sky
touch my toes
limber.
In the mirror
a woman I see
where once
I turned my eyes
looking
anywhere but there…..
Witch
Ogre
Booger
ugly I thought I was
no good
not worth
anything
to
anyone.
Crawled
mired in hidden rage
addiction sought
choked with sin
I did not want to die.
I did not know how to ask…..
how to say…..
Strength has left me
I need a hand
no longer this path can I walk.
Bleeding inside
torn to shreds
anyone 
please…..
Tides since turned
phoenix newly risen
glorying in my strength
in my abilities
greeting each day
with thoughts of joy
with thoughts of life.
Every year forward
leaves her behind
broken
battered
child that I was.
No longer carrying blackness.
No longer carrying pain.
No longer does living hurt.
Raise my face to the sun
basking in my gloried return.
©Feb. 25/20
Picture via Pinterest

Author: Jay-lyn Doerksen

I am a single hard working mom in her 40's. I have always written poetry and I love words. I live with depression and its ups downs. This is a space where I can create and write all that I need to.

19 thoughts on “Darkness Recedes”

  1. Hey Jay lin, is this perhaps not part of the healing process anyway? You can have a breakdown and it may last a very long time and then after a whiles you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You walk towards it, you go through it, you see the light, the warmth and the love of life again, but just because you are feeling that then, the healing hasn’t stopped – the healing goes on for a long after that.

    I had a major breakdown in 1994 and l remained ‘actively broken’ if you wish till 2004, so for ten years l was in the throes of a breakdown, but in 2004 l started to come good again, but l wasn’t brilliant. In 2009 l wrote a huge poetry collection and that was going back to those days it was only by 2012 that l truly started to feel good again. A major breakdown is a massive earthquake in the brain .. it takes time to rebuild, and even when repaired, our minds are never the same way again.

    By the way, great post, great piece, excellently written 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Rory. I appreciate your comment. A friend told me recently when I was having an off day that it was okay I could not be happy all the time. Tember tells me to cry if I need to. We expect too much of ourselves don’t we?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes we do, we are our own greatest enemies, our biggest bullies and we place too many expectations and obligations in our way 🙂

        Remember to be kind to yoursel Jay-lin, you are only human – it’s okay to not always be ok 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Your poetry always resonates with me. Please don’t ever apologize for writing your feelings. It’s cathartic , and as long as it’s helping you, that’s all that matters. Beautifully written, as always, Jay-lyn! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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