Nothingness

Tears seep
tracing the curve of my cheek
trailing
salty kisses on my lips
pondering
why I feel this way?
Nothing wrong
no sense of impending doom
imagination
spiraling out of control
when I know
I may have pushed too far?
Overstepping
infamous for I am
reading too much
into too little
building my fairy tales
only to knock them down.
Self destruction.
I am not crazy.
I am not insane
even though I portray myself this way.
Easier to hide
behind a sinister mask
than brimming with bright smiles
allowing the hurt
to become a dull throb
one I cannot placate.
Never crumble
never fall
ideas ingrained in my mind
not worth it
undeserving
voices playing over and over again.
Happiness
ever fleeting
skims through my life
touching lightly
only to bounce off
leaving me bereft
clutching at faded memories
of time we spent.
Hopelessness
sadness
raging pain
loss
fear
the emotions I live with
every day.
Does it get better?
Does it ever end?
This feeling of……
nothingness.
©Jay-lyn Doerkson
July 8/18

Protection

The mighty oak

tall

straight

reaching for sunny skies

never changing

never bending

always a beacon for the storm.

The gentle willlow

sweeping the ground

supple

lissome

bending

as the storm rages on.

I have the strength

the determination of an oak

to withstand pain

to stand tall

facing the storm

as I am pelted with rain and hail.

Twist and turn

accept

know

that despite my strength

I need to bend

like the willow

to protect myself

to keep safe

this heart

that I am holding out to you.

 

Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash

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